A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 18 years. We separated about 3 years into our marriage as I was really young and thought I could find better. We divorced for 3 months and he asked me to come back home to him. I did we had to of course remarry. I never would have dreamed my husband would cheat but I found out about 3 1/2 years ago he was having an affair with the married young secretary at work. I got the proof and confronted him and her along with calling her husband. He said it was over, it wasnt. This went on for about another 3 months and was finally ended and she left. One year later he found another secretary at work who was 3 years older than him, not at all attractive and I found out again. Confronted him and this one, he left for 3 days and came back telling me it was over during Christmas 2005. I found out later it was not over either, this continued on for a year and in August 06 she finally ended it when he would not hold up his end of the deal by leaving me to marry her. It has been over a year now and she has since gotten married, yet she still works there. I am not worried about her but I have a friend who works there and has said how he acts at work and how all the people there see how full of himself he is and they all make bets on how long it will take for him to get the new secretaries hired in. I have heard of one other affair a few years before the first on I caught him in. I am so confused as to what to do. Our daughter is in high school and knows all about his affairs. She is now becoming rebellious. I love him, he is my life but I am really ready to come to a resolution here. He wont tell me the truth about what happened even though she (the last one) told me nearly everything. He denies most of it. What kind of advise does anyone have? I love him but I am miserable waiting for the next one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have talked to my husband and told him that the affair is not my problem any more. I have gotten past that part. I told him that I can not get past his not telling me the truth about things that I already knew the truth to. If I already know the truth then why couldn't he just finally admit what I already know or he was going to completely destroy our marriage himself. He said that I didnt believe him anyway. I mentioned to him that he had brought that situation on himself, not me. I could believe him if he could tell me the truth. He had a trip that he and his brother had planned to go hunting so I let him simmer on it a while. Maybe the distance away might have given him some incentive to open up and discuss it more. Will keep you posted.
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female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (1 November 2007):
 Why do us women always still love they guys who hurt us most.
This man has absolutely no respect for you, or your daughter. He is only thinking about himself (and with a part of him that is situated much lower than his brain)
I've said this in some other responses before: Honesty, Trust and Respect are some of the keystones of a healthy relationship, and you don't have any of these. You have built a life with this man, but he keeps on knocking down the walls. The fact that he's been caught out once, but won't mend his ways, means that he is not at all sorry, and he will probably do this again. It will be hard, but you need to move on. You are still young, and can still lead a much happier life. My mom just got remarried a couple of weeks ago - after being alone for 18 years. So good things do still happen. Love yourself enough, and give your daughter a better life, by stepping out of this relationship, and rebuild a happier life.
You can.
Good luck
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