A
female
age
51-59,
*wati
writes:Dear CupidI've been very upset recently. I'm in my mid 30's,married with 2 kids. I have extra marital affair for a year now with a married man who was once my ex-boyfriend during my school days. I was touched by his approached that I fell in love with him again. During our relation, we never failed to have sex. We will end up in hotel room and if time is limited we will just do a quicky one in car. I have been the one raising the funds each time we booked the room. Per week we went there twice or thrice depending our schedule. So how much money I had invested just to be near him. Often I heard him grumble about his wife. For not able to cook well for him, and ignore his sex needs. Here I am to cook which he enjoys so much and satisfies his sex drive wherever possible. But I still found out he had making love session with her. But as months pass by I felt that I am being used. I felt that I'm being cheated. I've wasted time away from family and wasted money just to be with him. Long before our relation went deeper, he promised that he would not hurt me like before that I am a gem to him. He planned to marry me and divorce his wife. Now is the matter of time, he wanted his younger son aged 5 to be independent. We quarelled few times and many the times I mentioned that I want to end it now. But its easier said than done. Please help. I do love him but I do want to leave him too.
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affair, divorce, fell in love, married man, money, my ex, sex drive Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): tell him it is over and then follow thru. ...delete/his number...block his account...do not communicate in any way...you are being used...but you know that. He cant even pay for the motel etc.? He is a cheap jerk to put it nicely and you are pathetic. Pull yourself together and get some self respect. Invest yourself in your family at home. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Wake up and smell the coffee baby - you are being screwed - and not just literally!!! Go and read some of the plethora of posts on here about affairs/cheating etc - it is practically ALWAYS the same - and let me tell you, in 99% cases the guy does not leave his wife for the bit on the side - as soon as the other woman becomes emotionally invested and starts making demands (which almost always occurs for a woman)the guy is suddenly not having as much "fun"....his wife puts pressure on him - he doesn't need that from his mistress too does he?? All he wanted from the mitress was to be told how amazing he is and to have sex ith someone different for a change...spice things up a bit!
Sorry to say it so bluntly - but you're being an idiot - this guy is seriously having his cake and eating it too...for God's sake you are forking out all your money to let him get his rocks off!
You need to sort yourself out - why are you involved in this?? If you invest the energy you waste on this affair on yourself and/or your marraige you might wind up a lot happier. Get some counselling and stop contact with this guy - it's so not going to work out well for anyone.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (18 September 2009):
 You have a classic affair going with this man.
Its very hard to get into an affair like this because as you said, you took time away from your family to be with him and spent money on hotel rooms to make him happy.
He has virtually nothing in any of this other than getting the attention from you that he wasn't getting from his wife. So you're doing her job for him and giving him sex.
On the other hand, you're getting attention from him, and sex from him too.
This kind of thing is usually not a good thing for both of you because of the children and the effect it has on them. Your children and his children all have needs and with something like this going on it complicates everyone's lives.
The only thing you can do is tell him that you need to end it because of the children and that they need your time now.
Both of you will be hurt over this.
I don't know how much he truly loves you, but since he has children too, I think he would know how much work a woman has to do to raise kids, and even though he may not see it at this very moment, I think he knows that he can't leave his marriage until his children are independent enough so that they don't need him either.
These are hard choices in life. You choose to get into a relationship like this and it creates conflicts across two marriages.
There's probably as many reasons for him to stay with his wife as there are for him to leave her. And the same probably applies to you and your marriage.
So he's going to know this. You can tell him that you love him and you're doing this because its hurting his family too.
If he's able to handle this, then it should be fine and after some time the two of you can move forward.
I hate to say this because I can see for you, he satisfied something that you needed, and from your point of view you've realized that as much as you need whatever it is he gave you, you also need to care for your children and use your money for them and not your own satisfaction.
I hope it does work out for you. Affairs are pretty poor substitutes for love in your own marriage. And whatever it is that you learned about this, maybe it will make your marriage better now.
Who knows. Everyone in your situation makes of this what they can and its sad because there's no easy solutions and there are much worse problems coming from it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Why are you paying for the room? Why we women make it so easy for them. And why is he letting you pay for the room?How do you keep respecting him after that??He sounds like a dush bag to me
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