A
female
age
36-40,
*ostinthegully
writes:Hi, this is kind of embarassing. I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, and he hasnt introduced me to any of his friends (he says he hardly sees them because he spends all his free time with me, which could be true). He also never includes me in any of his family functions, and constantly tells people over the phone (he's at a "friend's" place when he is with me). It could be because is family doesnt approve of us because I am white and he is asian (his mom made this quite clear). He stills lives at home and is 27 (claims he cant afford to move out even though he works full-time) I don't know what to do anymore... I love him but I think he is ashamed of me.any advice is appreciated...
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female
reader, vina_101  +, writes (31 January 2007):
 Why don't you try telling him how you are feeling? How is he ever going to know if you do not tell him? If he is upsetting you, he probably wouldn't want to do it on purpose and maybe he doesn't know what effect his actions are having on you.
Bring it up one day and talk to him about it and see if you can find out why he's acting this way. If it is (as you've suspected) to do with you being white then you still need to talk about it.It is not fair for you to be with a guy who is ashamed of you, especially for racial reasons. If this is the case then I think you'd be better off with someone who is 100% proud of you and wants the world to know it.Get all your questions answered by him and once you've got the answers that you need then you decide where to go from there.
I hope it all works out.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (31 January 2007):
 Okay, let's deal with the friends issue first. Remember that there's every chance he's being truthful to you and that he may well just not have many friends left. Or it might not be about him being embarassed about you, it might be that he's had a bad experience with girlfriends meeting his mates before or he worries you'll have nothing to talk about or whatever.
As for his parents, this one worries me slightly more. The way I see it there can't be a future with a guy who won't introduce you to his parents. From what you say it sounds like he doesn't want to move out rather than he can't afford to. You need to speak to him seriously but focus on the parent problem. I'd say once you've done that then the friend thing will come easy.
CD
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