A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend damaged me. I have not moved on. I cried day in and day out behind the dirty way he dumped with a phone call at two in the morning telling me we were over and that he had moved in with his ex that previous day. There's no need to even describe what that did to me. It has been 14 months since those words fell on my ears and destroyed my will to live. There hasn't been one day that's passed that I didn't hang onto hope that he'd realize what awful mistake he'd made and come back professing his undying love for me. But that day never came. I lost my hair over the shock and depression. I lost my job, house, weight. You name it lost it and I still held onto that little thread of hope that he'd come back.Well he came back. Today. He showed up at my door unexpectedly with flowers, I'm sorry and more I love yous than he had said the whole time we were together. And you know what, all I could do was stand there and look him dead in his eyes with pure concentrated hate. He stood at my door entrance for 37 minutes giving his sermon. I don't know what happened but my mouth wouldn't allow me to speak and he saw it. He left saying he'd call me.He's rang my phone off the hook but my arm was paralyzed, unable to reach. Tonight I had an awakening. I hate him. I hate the thought of his existence. I hate him. I hate that I hate him because I still love him with the very same passion that I now love him. I am worse off now with his return than the way I was when his cold heartless words fell on my ears 14 months ago. How do I deal? What do I need to do to get my head around this? I want to love him but how can I when I hate his guts? I loved that b*stard with every ounce of my heart and he slaughtered my heart in return!I LOVE THAT B*STARD BUT I HATE HIS GUTS! I need help with the way his return has tore up my head! Please show me the way. I'm dragging my ass across the floor on my stomach!!!
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female
reader, Eilish  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 Ohhhh dear! :(
Well, for one, I do agree with you that he is a bastard. He deserves getting shot for what he did to you, you poor soul! Heartbreak is such a hurtful experience. And bless your heart for hsving to go through with it, nobody should ever have to.
I know you still love him, even though you hate him, you still love him. I think you hate what he did to you. And to be honest, I think you should be the stronger person here, and move on. Don't be taken for a mug sweetheart. He had his chance and he blew it, in a way that affected you so much. He doesn't deserve someone like you, you are 10000x better than him!
Go on Youtube, type in the froglet diaries. You see how much pain this woman is going through? However, do you see how she gradually gets stronger? This might help you. Her husband did the exact same to you hun, it will be some comfort.
Don't be a last resort for him. He's got to have a reason for coming running after this long amount of time, surely? I think theres a part of you that know that you shouldn't go back. If you do, he could easily do it again. And imagine going through all that hurt and heartbreak for the second time, is that really what you want?XXXX
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (19 February 2011):
You do NOT love him. You are just emotionally attached to the relationship and to how it felt to be with him before he left you. You are holding on to a past that can never be reclaimed because he forever changed things.
Let your feelings be there, don't try to suppress them or fight them. Maybe try to find a healthy outlet to release some of your tension - like exercise, or spending time with other people to take your mind off him.
You need to stay away from him and cut off all contact with him. Any contact will just re-open the old wounds. That's why you're so upset now, because his presence has re-opened the wounds. Maybe it will help you feel better to dump him as unceremoniously as he dumped you. Wait til 2 AM then call him just to tell him it's over. Then hang up on him if he's trying to talk you out of it, delete his phone number and contact information from everything. Block his calls and e-mails.
Time will heal your wounds, as long as you don't keep re-opening them by dwelling on it and allowing contact with him. So make a decision that you will not take him back because you hate him, and stick with that decision.
See a counselor, this can help you to process your feelings and they can recommend some strategies to prevent thoughts from spiraling out of control.
If you are upset to the point that you can't function in daily life or in your job, then see your doctor immediately, you may need some anxiety medications to help take the edge off so you don't lose your job again because of this jerk.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Sometimes, when an attractive asshole dumps a woman, it makes her question her own attractiveness. This is especially true after age 30 or so. He's the one that got away, and made you feel unwanted and unloved. The fact that he moved on right away made it worse.
That's one way in which chicks' love of assholes actually works. Women love unpredictable, inconsistent behavior. You hate the way he treats you, but at the same time are strongly attracted to it. The fact that he treats you this way, and expects to be loved in return, make you subconciously believe he has a higher value than he really does.
You need to understand that you are placing your own self-worth entirely in his hands. Your opinion of yourself should come from you, but you're letting it come from him.
There's no simple mental trick to getting over it. The best you can do is force yourself to act correctly until you're over it. Thinking aobut it is the worse thing you can do - shove him from your mind. You have to decisvely throw him out of your life.
Tell him never to call you or talk to you again. Do not listen to anything he says in response, no matter how much he begs. Delete his number, and change yours if necessary. Call the police if he comes to your house again. Go out with your girl friends and meet new guys - and don't get too attached to one unless he's a nice guy. It'll be tough (dating over 35 is always really tough on women), but acting like your life is normal will eventually get your brain in to "life is normal" mode. Fake it until you make it.
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A
female
reader, JoJo20  +, writes (18 February 2011):
Dear!
The best revnge it to put a a restraining order aginst him.....Jk
But hey! you are in pain , not because he treated you so bad, it is because you let him treating you bad,you let yourslef reach this point, all I know that you are better off without him, you cant forgive him, and if you want ravange then you would love him more, when a women get hurt from somone whe would love him more while when men get hurt they would hate who did this to him, and when a women hurt someone she would love him more, while a man, if he hurt someone, he will fall in love with himself more and more.
dont let him damage your life again and everytime you feel so weak remmber what he have done to you. because he will do it again and again and agian till the last day of his life, or your life if you survived a broken heart,
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (18 February 2011):
 The worst thing you can do to him, is ignore him - totally. Change your phone number if you have to.
You may be coming up with all sorts of ideas to get revenge, but don't. He expects 14 months of you suffering to be made right with a bunch of flowers and a 40 minute speech??? He can think again...
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