A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I became close friends with a male co-worker two years ago. We had a strong connection between the two of us. Both of us were also having issues in our marriages and those issues help bond us together. After six months of close friendship we took it to another level. (And before you respond I'm not proud of this part as both of us were married). For the last year and half we've had an incredible relationship between the emotional and physical connections between one another to just having fun and enjoying one another's company. The problem was that this relationship was "in hiding" because of our marriages. He confided that he loved me over a year ago and would talk about being together with me in the long term. He even moved in with me for several months while his marriage was ending. Now he is finally divorced but tells me he doesn't want a relationship and that he just wants to have fun with me. I'm not asking for marriage right now (but he knows one day I want to be married again and have kids). He is 35 with kids and fears being tied down again and doesn't want anymore kids. Two weeks ago I ended it and told him he can come back around if he wants to have a "real" realtionship with me that includes meeting families and not being paraniod of being seen with one another in public. Now that we are both single there is no reason to hide around with our realtionship. I also told him regarding just "having fun", I'm through with that piece of it. I told him I want more than just fun and to come back when you can give the real thing to me. He still texts me and still tries to come over to see me to hang out, cook, sex or just have fun. The connection is still there when we see each other and we have a blast with one another. I really believe he is my soul mate and vice versa. I need help. Do you think he'll ever commit to a realtionship? How do you help him overcome his fears of being tied down again following a divorce? How should I treat him now - give him the silent treatment or be my usual fun self or try to make him jealous? I'm confused and need some honest advice. I love him but I can't wait forever for a guy to just have fun in the end. I need more and I want more.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): Don't let him back into your life unless he is ready to make a commitment, or you will be writing this same question year after year. If you want kids, then you don't want to be wasting time with somebody who doesn't want to make a commitment. From his perspective the divorce has probably cost him plenty of $$$, and so he is probably thinking/hoping that he won't have to buy the cow if he can get the milk for free. Crude as it sounds, he is looking out SOLELY for himself at this point - and with the biological clock ticking, you can't afford to wait it out. Move on and look for somebody who is ready to make a commitment - or you will regret the lost chance at a family of your own.
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