A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I use to be very sexually active with my husband but now it just went away. I still find him very attractive and i love him more then anything, but i just cant figure out why i cant get turned on. I've tried role playing, using toys and even exerising. We do not have any kids and we both only work 8hrs a day but i still feel to tired or just not up to it. i dont know what else to do if you can please help me so my marriage does not fall apart Reply to this Question
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 September 2008):
 Are you perhaps starting to get depressed with the whole adult life thing?
From your age I would presume you two are newly weds, just out of school starting your career and perhaps you are starting to realize that it is not all that you hoped for.
I am not saying that you are dissatisfied with your life, just that deep down you might be getting burned out as you are not yet used to it, still stuck in the mindset of a student with school schedules and plenty of holidays and late classes.
Being tired constantly is one of the signs of depression.
If the tiredness was just physical there would after all be a simple remedy, have sex in the morning. But if you are tired constantly I would look at your mental state for a possible cause.
A
female
reader, kle7 +, writes (25 September 2008):
If the main problem that you're having is being too tired, you should try detoxing. I tried it and I got all of my energy back really quickly! There are many detoxes out there some only last for 1 day some for 1 week. That should at least fix any fatigue issues you have when it comes to that part of your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): I know that this may seem like it doesn't relate to what you're asking but it really does, i promise! :) If the main problem that you're having is being too tired, you should try detoxing. A lot of the times when we get tired easily and don't have the same amount of energy as we used to it's because a lot of toxins (either from the foods we eat or the evironment around us) build up and we get fatigued. I tried it and trust me .....IT WORKS! Then maybe that will fix some of the issues since you're still attracted to your husband.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): The FIRST question is: Can you get turned on? Can you arouse yourself on your own and possible bring yourself to orgasm?
The SECOND questions is: Can you get turned on by him specifically?
Is you have trouble with the first question you may be stressed, tired and having a hard time relaxing in general. If on the other hand you can get aroused on your own but only have a hard time with him then you can look into your sexual relationship.
The THIRD question is: Is he turned on? It's hard to get turned on when one's partner is so serious and concentrating on making us feel good that they hardly even smile. On the other hand there is NOTHING more arousing that seeing my partner smiling and moaning into my ear and really showing me that she's enjoying herself. I don't care if it's not 100% genuine. We feed off each other and soon we're both REALLY turned on.
Other than that, you may need to explore your personality to discover what you really like and what your needs are. My gf likes it when I pin her against a wall or grab both her wrist in one of my hands and stretch them high over her head in bed; she likes to feel helpless and that I'm in charge. She also likes to be teased to the edge of madness for hours (this gets boring and repetitive for me inside my head but it's arousing see her so turned on) To each her own. Exploring and experimenting all this is the fun part.
If you know how exactly how you like to touch yourself it would be hard not to be turned on if you teach your husband exactly how you like to be touches. If if you just cradle his limp hands in yours and then touch yourself as you usually would to teach him at first.
Again, if you can't arouse yourself you may be undergoing some biological stress. Otherwise talk, talk and talk to your husband. Let him know exactly how you feel. And if none of this works buy some non latex condoms for your husband and lather up your vagina with sexual stimulant oil available at Shoppers Drug Mart. They make blood rush to your vagina and increase the sensation. Latex condoms aren't as effective with the oil.
Have fun!
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A
female
reader, daisylee  +, writes (25 September 2008):
its sounds silly but hear me out, at night after you have had ure dinner with him, dont opt for a slouch together with the tv and the couch but intead but 1 or two candles on, a lamp, something relaxing and then pop on some faint music.
It sounds simple and alittle 'un sexual' but there is no other stimuli around you exept each other. Sit and chat as though you have only just met him, talk about nothing else other than the things that make you both happy, random chit chat bout anything, hobbies, whatever. Just nothing negetive at all like work or relationship problems, ure family freinds absoloutly nothing that involves other people. Naturally ure 'spark' will come.
good luck
(if that doesnt work buy a 'non disney dvd' lol), just kidden it will be fine you'll see x x
take care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): It seems you have fallen into what is commonly known as a "rut". Don't worry, it is normal and all couples at sometime or another experience it. It could be that because you and your husband have a more mature and responsible relationship than those men you have been with in the past, that you have fallen out of lust with him. Don't think of it as a bad thing, your relationship has matured and so has your sexual relationship, which means it isn't common to have the burning sexual urge everyday.
I would take sometime for yourselves. Do things that you use to do when you started dating, remind him of old jokes and old pleasures. Sometimes the best way to bring life back into a relationship is by digging up the things that brought you together. That paired with the trust and love you share now should make for pleasurable experiences to come.
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