A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have unrealistically high expectation of myself and this daunting perfectionism triggers nothing but stress and anxiety in my daily life. It seems to permeate every aspect of my life, namely my relationships.I’m never sure if I “love” a woman.I have wonderful moment with my girlfriend. I smile just thinking about her and spend my days thinking of how I can surprise her and make her smile and laught. I care so much about her. I can sense when and why she’s troubled. I feel that weight on me and can’t rest until I’ve done something about. I feel understood and cared for… yet I can’t see myself marrying this woman. I can’t bring myself to say that I honestly love her. With all this comes the mounting guilt of why am I with her if I don’t LOVE her. It’s made me feel horribly jealous for doing so. I’ve broken up with at least one gf because I simply didn’t know if she was the one and I felt selfish for being with her when she could be finding someone who was.My current gf has plans to eventually get married in the future and have kids. While it troubled her a first, she assures me that she understands that I don’t necessarily want to get married and that I have a hard time saying “I love you”. She tells me she loves me, wants to be with me and wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m very happy with here but once again I feel my guilt rising. At times, I feel like I will always be alone because of this.
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female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (25 September 2008):
 Hi Hunny
Have you thought that you may be doubting yourself as a person to do right and you so want to do right all the time that it weighs heavy on your mind if you feel your not loving enough, Is this perfectionism in you, Are you the one who wants to be perfect so there for all the anxiety and stress is on your shoulders as you expect it of yourself to much...Do you think hunny you may be searching for something so out of reach that nothing ever seems good enough..Can you remember when this started when you first felt this feeling? Have you ever felt insecure in your life love? As a child did you have very loving parents or the opposite? sorry to ask so many questions it just helps to understand better certain questions...I have run from relationships but the reasons I ran were because of past issues, Some of the men were very kind and caring but I just wanted to go..Somewere somehow maybe there is a solid reason why you feel this way as you feel this guilt love and if you were unhappy you wouldnt smile just thinking about your g/f you care so much for her you do anything to make her happy..Another question Do you ever feel scared? Hope you get time to answer some of these as it may help understand why you are feeling this way...TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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