A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So theres this guy (lets call him fred) iv known fred for 3 years now, and we've only just got really close, and since december (tis now march) iv been having feelings for him, the strongest feelings iv ever felt, i thought id been in love once but now i understand that that wasnt love, i think im falling for him, no i know i am. ok so heres the promblem, he has a girlfriend(lets call her betty) and he introduced me to betty a month ago. i now talk to her a bit and shes a really nice girl. betty lives a while away and he hardly gets to see her. me and him have been getting closer and closer, and now iv fallen for him so badly, i cant stop thinking bout him, it hurts so much that im not with him, i know what you may be thinking, but im not a boyfriend stealer. iv had many oppertunities to stir/help break them up and instead iv stepped in and fixed it. id never do anything intentionaly to split them up, hes so happy with her. but nows where the twisted parts come in. about 2 weeks ago he told me that he really used to fancy me and that if he was as close to me now then he wouldve asked me out, this killed me and i pretty much sobbed. he holds me in his arms, hes always there for me and hes the kindest sweetest person i no. and hes got no idea how i feel. we keep meeting up and going out places together and the only time i seem to be happy l8ly is when im with him, i cant stand it when he talks about her but i smile and just act like its normal, sometimes i wish i wasnt such a good actress. sometimes when he holds me i want nothing more than to kiss him but i know i would lose one of the best friends iv ever had, the guy i love. but sitting here feeling the way i do and doing nothing about it kills me, and i dont know how much more i can take, i feel actual pain sometimes, i just wanna be with him more than anything, but i cant stand to lose him, what can i do please help i feel so alone.
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male
reader, Jager +, writes (13 March 2009):
first you need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel about him and tell him the last thing you want is him to break up with his girl friend. Tell him your content with just being friends as longs as thats all he wants. Tell him unless he want you to you wont do anything sexual towards him or try a suduce him or try it on or anything. However you might want to mention that you would not mind being second and that if he does feel the same about you then maybe you could be his mistress. Many good relationships consist of the main girlfriend who is the partner and a mistress who no one knows about. This would give you the chance to see if it could work. With out him losing his girlfriend or you losing your friendship. If it dont work simply go back to being friends no one knows so nothing has to change.If he dont feel the same for you make sure he knows its not a problem for you even if it is. That way you have the best chance of keeping him as a friend. but above all you need to talk to him
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