A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a man at work who was in a long-term relationship... we started off being very good friends but then became alot closer until we fell for each other. I kept it quiet and we continued to go to lunch, dinners, drinks together... We got to the stage where we would pash here and there. He told me he has never felt this way about anyone other then his girlfriend and didnt know what to do... I told him to do what makes him happy and make a decision before its too late. So, he went overseas with his girlfriend and proposed to her, but to make matters worse he came back from overseas and went away with me the next week!!! While he was away with me he told me he loved me and it was just like we were a couple... Everything was perfect between us and i thought he would leave his fiance for me. We went back to work and he was still calling me and taking me out... until his fiance found a text in his phone. Ever since she has found out about us he has never been the same. He has suddenly started saying we are "just friends" and always will be "just friends"... I feel so awful toward his fiance, but he is the one who should be feeling guilty and he has hurt me so much in the process so i told him i dont want anything to do with him and now he wont leave me alone... I dont know what to do? Please help... i love him.
View related questions:
at work, fiance, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (7 April 2007):
 What are you thinking!?
You say you love him, but what makes you think for one minute that he would not do the very same thing to you, should he leave his fiance for you?
This guy has no sense of loyalty. If you did get him to leave his fiance for you it would be exactly the same thing later with you.
I have said many times; A woman should always be treated as a queen, and there are guys out there that will do just that. It may take a little patience and searching but you will find just the perfect guy for you if you give it a little effort and be a bit particular.
Now go and find your Prince Charming. Doc.
A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (7 April 2007):
 How has this man cheated on you with his fiancee? Surely its the other way round? I think what you and this guy are doing to this poor woman is totally unacceptable, this pathetic excuse of a man is engaged to be married. You should no by now he is getting the best from both worlds and you are just dancing to his tune. Sorry let me just spell it out for you, now that he has been found out he is no longer interested in you, and what is this about you being hurt you selfish creature? Its his poor fiancee that is hurt not you, so I suggest the next time you want to date someone is make sure its not a colleague and that he is 100% single. I hope this is a lesson to you. If I am being harsh its because I am trying to make you see that this guy doesn't deserve to have a relationship of any kind, once a cheater is always a cheater. And what you and this guy had was not love but pure lust.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (7 April 2007):
 Ok, you made a whole pile of mistakes:
You dated a man from work (...and that is a bad mistake because if it goes wrong, you cannot avoid them and the office gossip goes on double-time).
You dated a man who was in a relationship (...he is a cheat, he has cheated on his bride-to-be and he would cheat on you with another woman).
You have passively accepted the situation (...you write as if this is all his fault and you are blameless - the guy is an attention seeking player and he likes having more than one woman on the go at once to add a little drama to an otherwise dull life. He may have hurt you but you have let yourself get into a situation where this was allowed to happen. You went on holiday with him the week after he proposed to another woman...what were you thinking!)
He won't leave his future wife for you because if he was going to do that he would have left by now. Even if he did leave, what stops him cheating on you with another work colleague in the future? I feel really sorry for his girlfriend as she is the true innocent in this situation. Stop saying 'I love him' because you are wasting your affection on a man who is not worthy. It is also a way of justifying bad behaviour on his part - he gets to do whatever he likes to you and you let him out of 'love'. I strongly believe that loving relationships are a two way street - it is a very lonely life if your love is not reciprocated. It is all down to self respect at the end of the day - stand up straight and say no to being treated like a bit on the side...don't you think you deserve a single man who treats you right?
...............................
|
