A
male
age
,
*ony17
writes:after 2 and a half years of dating my girlfriend tells her 16 year old son that lives whith his dad about us and he flips out and tells her if she does not break it off with me he will mever hav anything to do with her again. now she says she has to choose her son and maybe in a few months he will change his mind, i have never met him, i have asked but she kept telling me when the time was right i could meet him. i dont know what to do. i love her with all my heat and soul. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (1 August 2011):
She feels at the moment that she has to choose between the two of you. She doesn't realise that she can have both. Her son has told her she can't have both but it is not true, he is just too young to realise it, and it is also an opportunity for him to control and to manipulate her.
However, she has to choose a course of action, and she has chosen to listen to her son and end her relationship with you. She is doing so out of fear, or guilt, or whatever is motivating her, but you can't make her choices for her. If she agrees that she can't invest in both relationships and she has to choose, there isn't much you can do.
Your choice is to let her go, or try change her mind. It won't hurt to let a few days pass, and try and present the possibility of her doing both, but if you have tried to convince her and she has still chosen to end the relationship, let her go.
A
male
reader, Tony17 +, writes (29 July 2011):
Tony17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNow she says there is nothing else to discuss Her priorty is to rebuild her relationship with her son and not be selfish, that she will never forget me and also that she was to high mantaince for me anyway. I am torn as what to do next, I love her very much and my head tells me to let her go and my heart tells me to go after her
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (28 July 2011):
Her son does not have the emotional maturity to understand the complexity of adult relationships. He is obviously very hurt by his parents separation, and her going out with another man feels like a betrayal to his parents relationship. It is irrational, but it is understandable. He is upset and hurt, but his hurt doesn't have anything to do with you, or her, it is his feelings.
When he says to her "break it off or I will never have anything to do with you ever again", her proper response is something like this:
"My going out with Tony17 is actually ok. It doesn't have anything to do with my love for you, I still love you as much as I ever have and nothing will ever change that. If you don't want to have anything to do with me because I am dating a man I want to date, that is your choice and I will respect how you feel about that, but I am going to do it because there is nothing wrong with me doing it. My relationship with him is my choice, it is not for you to tell me how to live my life, or give me an ultimatum using my relationship with you as a barganing tool or to manipulate me. If you have strong feelings about it, if you are angry, hurt, upset about it, that is ok, and it is ok that you tell me your feelings about it."
It would be a good idea for her to sit down with him and have a conversation with him to find out what her relationship with you means to him.
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