A
female
age
41-50,
*ohru
writes:3 1/2 years ago I felt that I had found the love of my life. When I met him he didn't have a job with predictable income, so when he wanted to move in with me I told him he must find another job. He found a sales job, hated it, and cried and begged me to let him quit within just a few weeks. I let him and he found something else. That job was okay. We moved to another state and had trouble finding jobs, but somehow I always managed to pay our bills. He got a job, but it was temporary. He quit to start another when conflict started there. Then at the new job during the interview he made sure to request certain times off to teach martial arts at night (which has only brought in very little money). I felt that because this was a full time job he shouldn't jeopardize it by requesting to leave early two days a week, that maybe he should rearrange the time for martial arts, which was doable. Anyway, long story short, as soon as I found a good high paying job, the moment I had the offer letter in my hand he quit. Throughout this time all I have ever asked of him is to pay his half of the bills, somehow, some way. He SAYS he feels bad about spending my money on everything, but I believe actions speak louder than words. There ARE jobs available here, but jobs he doesn't want. I recently cut him loose. I feel like I'm dying inside and I feel like he tries to make me feel guilty- that because we were engaged we should have seen each other as husband and wife in a sense and I should support him no matter what. On the other hand, I feel bitter and think I wasn't worth it to him to just get a job!As a last bit of info, his mom's cousin offered him a job selling advertising. I figured this meant he would be up and out of the house at 8 trying his best. He flat out told me that unless he had an appointment with a client he probably wouldn't be up. I think he is trying to manipulate me. He said, "If only you could see it my way- I stay in bed while you get ready for work to spend time with you, it's my way of showing you I love you."I'm so confused. I feel so guilty. I can move on with my life if I know I'm making the right decision, but I just don't know anymore!! I don't think I'll ever find someone so great again, but I actually punched a wall and broke a bone in my hand over all this. I kept telling him I couldn't pay all the bills on my own and I never felt that it bothered him all that much. It upset me so much I punched the wall... What should I do? He's packing up to move out and move back in with his mom. As much as I want to go running back to him and tell him not to leave, I'm not sure if I could keep this up.
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cousin, engaged, I love you, money, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tohru +, writes (2 April 2009):
tohru is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both very much for the input!
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (30 March 2009):
 Read the bit again about why he stays in bed and you work. That should answer your question. He is a lazy little s**t and you are so much better off without him. Do not under any circumstances prevent him from leaving - open the door for him!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): you definitely did the right thing. Cut him loose and only take him back if he goes out on his own, without you telling him to, and gets and keeps a job long term. Otherwise you are going to be picking up his slack forever. And what happens if you have kids and you cannot work, and he wont work? You really did the right thing, stay strong.
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