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female
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*eirajane
writes: I have two boys aged 9 and 11 years old from a previous relationshipI got married last june to another man and had a baby daughter 4 months ago.I cannot get close to my husband and he is getting really fed up and has been looking at porny on the internet.i want to get close but i just going really tense when he touches my body. i love him very much and i am afraid i am driving him away.he is good around the house and runs my sons around all the time, but when the kids are in me i sit in a different chair away from him and keep making excuses why i dont want to get close.can you help me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): Oh sweety, I am so sorry! I went through this for many years. As the other poster stated, this could be all about just having a baby. 4 months is not a long time. I don't think I had sex for almost a year after giving birth.
However, your statement about getting tense makes me think it is something else. Were you abused or molested or neglected or abandoned as a child? I was abused and molested and I had a really hard time the last few years of our marriage being close with my husband. I finally got over it and now I LOVE my husband to touch me. You could work on emotional clearing (see the book called emotional clearing) or go to thework.com and read the two books by byron katie. That's a good start. It really worked for me.
I hope you feel better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2006): Dont be to hard on yourself its only been 4 months since you gave birth to your child. Your body has gone through huge changes as well as your emotions and unless you have a personnal trainer you may have a few hang ups about your body shape which is totally understandable. You may also be experiencing tiredness, stress and baby blues which can also lead to your lack of sex drive. You dont say if your partner has had any children previous to this one and he may not fully understand what is involved for you as a mom. Explain to him that you love him very much and ask him for lots of cuddles instead of intimate moves on you. Try to satisfy him in ways that feel comfy to you both and try to relax around him. For now forget about the porn he cant touch these women talk to them or get intimate with them and if he was asked would probably say he doesnt want to you have nothing to fear from them at all. just try to open up to him, cuddle more often, get freinds to have the kids for the night relax watch a dvd, bottle of wine, a nice massage and a loving cuddle with no pressure, once the pressure has lifted from you and the guilty feelings of you not being the perfect wife have been lifted the love making will get back on track. Good luck im sure things will improve give yourself time and dont beat yourself up about it ok x
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