| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: hi I am very stressed, my boyfriend and I had a fight this evening and he wants a few days apart to think things over and see how we both feel. The reason for the argument was that i expressed my concern that i was holding him back from the rest of his life as we have a long distance relationship....I suffer from depression and he helps me so much, I feel so depressed again this evening, should I give him the space he deserves or is it fairer of me to let him go and not drag him into my depression with him, i feel so guilty for this as this is the first time he has complained bout me gettin him down after a full year of me being down....i love him so much and he says he loves me but is our relationship doomed?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): I too have battled a severe depression for several months and i still am, and i have had these exact thoughts run through my head. it truely puts the relationship to the test, so to speak, it makes it absolutly difficult as if relationships werent hard enough on there own. I think you should recieve therapy, its the easiest way to over come depression, and i know i dont know your bf but if he truely loved you he'd be patient with you and support you and understand that this time in your life is harder on you than it is on him. I am where you are right now, dont let depressions negative thoughts ruin you guys, believe me i know how hard it is. I wish you two the absolute best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): Depression is a very damaging state of mind. I really understand how you feel but if you love each other then you can both work through this situation. Don't let it drag you down. Have you had professional help. At this time of year a lot of us get depressed. Christmas over, the bills flooding in, dark nights still here, cold dark weather. Maybe you just need a talk with your doctor or see a Counsellor. Don't give up on your bloke. There are other ways around this. Never worry or say that you are dragging him down. You deserve love and affection. But i do think a visit to the doctors would be a good idea.
Take care and you can keep in touch if you want.
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): i can relate to what you're going through. i too was and still am dealing with depression. i never took anti depressants or any types of drugs. i once saw a therapist and after that i never went back. it was tough. i was raped and had a very tough life growing up.. for the past 20 years of my life up until now (i am now 21). i had a lot of problems in my life that i had to endure mainly on my own. i had no one. my boyfriend was the only person whom i depended on and was the only person who was always there for me. it was tough on both of us. i moved away for awhile and our relationship became a long distance relationship. sadly to say i lost my boyfriend (now known as my ex). he stuck by my side for so long and one day out of the blue he abandoned me.
give him time to breath. give him as much space that he has asked for. don't contact him. let him contact you when he is ready to talk. don't over analyze things.
please don't make the same mistake i did. i lost the most important person in my life (he was my first love).
it isn't too late for you. know that your boyfriend loves you very much. remind yourself that you're a very lucky person to have someone by your side.
keep yourself busy. dress up. go out and have some fun. be surrounded by family and friends. you don't have to tell them about your problems. write all of your feelings out in a journal. cry all you want, but tell yourself to stop. remind yourself that you are not alone and that whatever happened to you "ISN'T your fault." it is tough. everything hurts. i know.
please smile. be happy. be independant. stay positive.
lots of *hugs*
take care darling
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A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (2 March 2007):
 If I were you, I`d give it a couple of days; a bit of "Breathing Space" for the BOTH of you. He obviously loves you a lot, and is very patient with you, and you appretiate this. Depression is Awful; and people who say "You`re Lucky", or "Pull your socks up", have No Idea that, Deep down, You know you`re lucky, and would dearly love to pull your socks up, but, right now, just can`t. Please don`t put yourself down anymore. I would like you to use these days to Build Yourself Up (Easier said than done I know), so that when he`s had his "Thinking Space", and comes back to you, as he will, he will admire you as much as he loves you. There are loads of sites on the Internet about boosting confidence and getting the most out of life; do you think you may be able to look at a few? Could you go for a walk in a Wood or Forest? Being "At One" with Nature, whatever the weather, is always soothing, often stimulating. How about, as a confidence boost, you get your hair done? Guarenteed to make you feel fresher & better. Have you got a local Animal Rescue centre nearby? They`re always crying out for volenteers; the Feel Good Factor is Priceless! AND you can pet & stroke & give your caring feelings to them even if you can`t have pets at home, through work commitments/tenancy agrements etc. You never know, if you try one of my suggestions, (i`m not saying you`ll be cured of your depression), you may suprise yourself and enjoy something. How Great it would be, when your boyfriend comes back to you, for you to be able to tell him of your new Interests! I know how hard it is to work up enthusiasum for anything right now, and I`m not telling you to; just suggesting you try at least one of my suggestions (which will also pass the time until B/F has cleared his head!). PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Let us know how you get on, With Very Kind Regards, Heather.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (2 March 2007):
 I feel for you and your bf. I have actual expereince of being told something similar by somebody I care about greatly and it's hard on both parties. Ultimately however you have to remember this; to be with you is his choice and its his call if you are holding him back or not. I would guess you are fighting because he feels, ultimately correctly, frustrated that although you are doing what you are doing with the best of intent you are taking away his right to choose his own path from him.
Of course, if you no longer want to be with him then that is your own choice but that is an entirely different matter. He will find it amazingly hard to comprehend why, if you love him, you are pushing him away and sadly the consequence will be that you will hurt him more than if you let him in.
I know it may feel like the 'right thing', and I applaude your selflessness, but you have to bealive me,it isn't. He wants you, he loves you and hard though you might find that to accept that is how things are and ultimately *him loving you* is his choice. It seems to me he has already accepted the challenges presented by this, again his choice. Please, try and think this through with a clear head and i think if you do you will realise you dont want to lose something so special. Hope that helped.Take care.
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