A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey there i need some help and this is the last straw... i believe that my trust issues are going to end up ruining what i have with my partner... so heres how the the story goes...after a long open relationship me and my partner finally decided to get together, its been great even thought we've only been together for a short space of time... when we first got together i found out that i was the other women in his previous relationship with his ex ofcourse i was unaware of this fact... he had been with his partner for 5 years and he cheated on her with me and it was for that reason we were didnt get together sooner... he broke up with his ex a month before we fot together again i was unaware of this... due to this im finding it really hard to trust him... he has been completly honest in telling me that he has cheated previously (alot) on her however hasnt slept with any but his ex and me... what makes me doubt is if he can do this to her what makes me any different.. yet he's told me that im very different from his ex and he doesnt actually want to be with anyone as he has it alll with me....recently he also told me that he got this text from this girl saying come round i have a free house but he said to me that he physically didnt want to do anything and didnt even bother replying... from this all it makes me doubt him thinking first why is he recieveing texts like this and secondly what does it say about his character... i take on board that he told me and i appreciate that but im finding it really hard to trust him... i reallly love him and not sure how to take my anxiety away as i feel its gnna ruin our relationship... help
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female
reader, samsproperty  +, writes (6 November 2008):
I gotta go with Lamb on this one. You're description of his actions sounds as if he is legitimate.
Although, master manipulators know all the things to say to appear honest. They will say anything ANYTHING, and they are virtually PERFECT at looking immaculate. So, what you have left is evidence and time.
Look for the evidence, and always always always trust your instinct, because that is 100% right all the time. You sound really smart; as in questioning why he is receiving texts like this in the first place. That's an intelligent and healthy area to be in to ask that. Go with that. Keep your sonar on. Most men lie, and lie and lie. And then, you may once in awhile find a good egg.
A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (6 November 2008):
hiyahh just be completely honest with him, open and simply saying how you really feel explain to him you find it hard to talk but you need too tell him how it is your really feeling for you two to progress and then just go for it.
when you start to talk a lot of things spill out that hve been plaing on your mind so you will have to watch this but if your being truley honest thats the best thing you can say to him and know you really mean it.
he seems to want to really make it work and if you want it just as much you both need to work together in order to get there. i know pples advice is to get rid and once a cheat always a cheat and i copletely understand there point ov view but you seem deeper with him than that and you are even wiling to look through all of this in order to come out the other side together and i think when you find that between two people its something you shouldnt let go
everyone has a past they cant change that, but they can learn from it for the future and he seems to want this with you. im not sticking up for him and hes been wrong too many times but its like hes seen this and wants you and him to start something good.
you will say what comes ntural to you, so dont worry about it or youll never say how your really feeing. he needs to know to make what you have work be the stronger one and just say it. say it all let him in tell him it all and you and him will already be that step closer.
best of luck hun you deserve happiness give it your all xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): Well hun I was in the same boat as you. Dated a guy and come to find out after we were together for a while he was married. He lied to me many times before and many times I took him back. But one thing has always stayed in my mind "He will do it to me its only a matter of time." That will stay with you for the rest of your life no matter how you think you could trust him. I know I wasted 3 years of my life with this guy and it was just same old same old. The breaking point was when I found out he had Chlamydia. I got tested and I think he was expecting me to have it and it came back negative. So that made him mad and he went and told me that he must have gotten it off a toilet as he is a trucker. Doc told me the only way he could of had it off a toilet if someone was sitting on him LOL. So honey please take my advice. Just let him go no man on this planet is worth the trouble. Real men don't cheat or lie to the person they truly love.
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A
female
reader, Lamb  +, writes (6 November 2008):
it sounds like he's being honest, offering you the truth. unless he's a really good manipulator, i think you can trust his story. its when you find out he's receiving messages he's NOT telling you about, that's when you have a real problem.
keep up the open communication. set some boundaries so you feel secure. ie your relationship was open in the past but now it is definitely closed to outsiders.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for that its great advice and really made me think... however i have one more question... you say talk to him "working togther you could be making what you have stronger"
what do i say to him, how do i say it to him without pushing him away???
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A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (5 November 2008):
hiyahh, yes you love him a lot but if that trust isnt there it will affect what you now have and alos how long you go on having it for. for him to try and rebuild back up the honest relationship you need is going to take a lot of time and will put a strain in your relationship, things will get worse before they get better and so youve already learnt. a lot of things may come out that surprise you about him and change how you see him as a person but the fact that hes being honest with you shows he in himself wants to change to make what you have work, im not saying go the full way and trust him with everything just dont judge what you both have on his past if hes willing to change it all for what you 2 could have. it takes a lot for a guy to mature like that and it proves you mean a lot to him.
if you feel its too late to save what you have and that you cannot trust him at all its time toend it before it gets any worse. this situation can either make you stronger together and see a new side of each other or break you and you both go on to seperate lives, by the way you talk it seems you want to stick with him and i respect you for that, it takes a lot for that and a lot of people wouldnt give him the time of day but you have which shows your true feelings towards him but dont let him do it twice, once is enough twice is the end. if he sees you weak for him hell know how to work it and ma slip back into his old ways, show your strong independent no messing side and he will see your not messing.
trust is a big issue and your inding it hard to rebuild why not try talking to him by working togther you could be making what you have stronger, just know not to lt your guard down straight away.
best of luck in your descion hun x
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