A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ive ben with my girlfriend for a few months now. i know its not very long but we know we love eachother very much. things have been going fine up untill a few days ago. shes became alil distant and quite. she says its because of work and school starting back up and i do belive that. i know i am clingy and she is too, we like that about eachother. the problem is i know mostly me. we have both been cheated on in past relationships. so its hard for me anyways when im alone theres always that stupid subconsious that always says "what if" and makes me think something is going on. it dosent help that a month or so ago a friend of ours admitted to me that he has slept with girls that had boyfriends and was talking jokingly about it. later that same night in a diffrent conversation he told me he thought my gf was cute. that deffanetly set off some warning bells. i just tryed to forget it because i want to trust her. and she trust me.so tonight she said that her and her dad were going out to eat and then go to target then we'll see about hanging out later. she text me later that she was heading home and wanted to know whats up. i told her i wanted to see her, and she said this friend of ours wanted to hang out with her. i get jelouse in the back of my mind and ask if i could tag along. she said thats all ok. well i expect her to show up at my place in her car with him riding passanger... but it was the other way around, him driving and her passanger. that means he picked her up from her place. after they come in my house i find under her coat shes waring a tube top. wich she never has wared for me once. so now im freakin out inside. i feel like she dressed up for him and not me. then i found that she left some candy in his car so im thinkin they went out befor they came over. he ended up leaving after about 2 hours or so and right after that she had me take her home. it was about 12am. i didnt even get any alone time with her. she normaly stays till 130 or 2, even if she has to work in the morning. she dose have class at 10am tomorrow starting the new semester. and she did look tired. but she would normaly sleep at my place till 2 or so. i want to trust her and i think i do... but theres that little "what if" in the back of my mind.on the way home i confronted her about her being distant from me the last few days. she was really quiet (mind you she looked really tired too). i told her that i really care for her, that i do love her, and that i would do anything to protect her. she was quiet for a moment and then replied that i cant protect her. thats something she has to do herself. i dont really fully understand that but i can a little i guess... i went on asking if i was the reason she has been distant and she says a little bit yes. she says im to dependent on our relationship. mening that i want to see her all the time. and that it dosent give her time. i told her it just because i love spending time with her. she makes me happy. she replied that i make her happy, and that she dose love me too. she said that i need to remember that we were friends first befor we were bf and gf. and she dosent want to lose that. i told her i dont either and that i love her very much. and apoligized for bringing up an upsetting topic befor we said goodnight and went to bed. i told her i was in this for the long run and i want this to work so this is why im bringing this up. and she asured me she wants the same. just a little more space. so we both agreed to work on this kissed and said goodnight.also this is probably compleatly erelevent but im a taurus and shes a cancer. ive been reading about those to signs and how compatible they are and almost everything i have read sounds just like us.anyway i know this is not written out verry well and im probably leaving some stuff out but i guess i just need a girls opinion on this. from someone that will give me a straight answer and not be shy or afraid to hurt my feelings. cause my gf tells me thats why she hasent brought this up befor. she dosent want to hurt my feelings by telling me im to clingy or dependent. i just hope that i am being over reactive. and maybe get some advice on how to fix the "what if" questions that pop into my head.so, what can i do? what should i do? i can trust her cant i? is it all just in my head?thanks to anyone.
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male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (15 January 2008):
It's true what they say that love's blind.There's always something in you telling you something is wrong but you keep telling it to shut up.Mistake number one.Follow your insticts.I trusted my girlfriend with every breath i have until she started becoming distant and called less and the "i love yous" lessened.I thought it was bcoz of work and anything else but never imagined until she confessed to cheating on me.I'm not automatically saying your girl is cheating on you but a little investigation would certainly calm your nerves.There's no doubt that your girlfriend's sudden change in behaviour has been caused by something and you shouldn't be shocked if she breaks up with you later.
Ladies love their own space just like any one else and teasing shouldn't be confined to the bedroom but even your presence as well.Allow her to miss you.Go for a day or two without hanging out.Women get easily bored with routine things done every day but i guess your major problem is trust and i don't blame you at all.When you've had a past like yours,it's hard not to think what if.I think you need to be strong now because she's going through what i call a test of how strong her love for you is and other guys' attention makes it harder for her.You really have no option but to give her the space she's asking for bcoz if you push her,you'll eventually lose her.Believe me,from my personal experience those what if questions never stop until you trust her completely and that should be your target right now.You know her better so you know if she's worth your trust or not.In my opinion,you think too much and imagine too much but some of it is justified as you may find out.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): this is a tough situation since there could be so many reasons for her recent behavior.
this might not be the case for you, but from personal experience, if she wants says she needs space she may be considering leaving. it doesn't mean that she WILL leave the relationship. it just means that she needs to think about it.
the worst thing to do to someone who asks for space is to smother them. give her time and space to work out the issue. let her know that you love her and want the relationship to work and you are willing to work on that but don't be too needy.
good luck. i hope it works out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): This is a confusing issue.
I'd say choose your mates more wisely, because if my mate made a remark like that about my girlfriend... I'd kick the ever livivng shit out of him.
Now she may just be nervous with her schooling, but it is very doubtful. Because there is no chance in hell she would remain tight-lipped like that if it were a simple study matter.
You need to come clean. Ask her directly for the truth and do not leave or permit a change in subject until you get it, because one way or another she has done SOMETHING wrong, something she believes you might detest her for, and so she bottles it all up.
So grow some balls and be a man and get the information you are entitled to.
And if it turns out she's cheating... give her one last chance. Just one. If she fucks up again, boot her.
Flynn 24
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