A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really dont know how to start this, so I'm just gonna let it come out.I can't even really call her my girlfriend. We're together, but we're not 'together'. We dated a long time ago, but she ended it after a month. When I asked why, she said we rushed into things, which is completely understandable. We argued for the longest time and she finally said we can try and work things up again. So it's been a few months, and we've been okay to each other. Lately though she's been saying I love you and all these things and so I thought we worked through our problems.This is one question: I'm still not sure if I should ask her back out again.Also, I feel like she plays a lot of games with me. I'm not entirely sure if she is or not. I tell my guy friends whats going on, and they say a lot of the same things. They say, 'Wow, I can't believe she is doing this to you' and things like that. I'm extremely in love with this girl and I can honestly picture us together for the rest of our lives, but a lot of people say that I'm obsessed over her. I've got many pictures of her and I talk about her a lot; I'd literally do anything for her, but does this mean I am obsessed? I don't know what else to do. One day I feel like she loves me and the next I can get a completely opposite feeling from her. My life has changed completely since I met this girl. I'm not sure if this is good, but I feel that I will lose her totally if I stay how I was.As for our current situation. We're not together officially, but we act like we are. I don't understand what to do in this position. We do EVERYTHING a couple does, but she still considers herself single. She calls it our 'thing'. I know it's stupid, but am I wrong for wondering how many other guys she's done this or is doing this with? I'm 110% confident I am the only guy, but for some reason, I can't help but think it.Another problem is distance. We live about 30-40 miles away, and a lack of a car on my part is keeping us from seeing each other regularly. Many people give me rides over there, but it's becoming increasingly hard, and I fear the worst when I won't be able to see her at all. I feel like things between us could be hundreds of times better if I could see her often, but it's just not happening.Another problem is my parents. They don't approve of her because she's two years younger than I am. This makes it EXTREMELY hard to be with her. I turn eighteen in march, but I can't wait that long to see her as much as I need to.My last problem is this: I'm leaving for the Navy in July of next year. I'm scared out of my mind of what'll happen after this. I feel that if I'm not 100 and with her, then she'll forget about me totally.Thanks in advance..
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response.
I'm scared to leave her to try to find another girl because shortly after our break up I left my house after a particularly nasty engagement with my parents, and lived with my closest friend (we consider ourselves brothers). During this period, he finally convinced me to try and get over Her and go for others. I tried extremely hard because I was sick of being.. well, sick. But every time I tried to be with someone else, I felt like I was faking it and being unfaithful to the one I love. I tried with a couple of girls, and never experienced even a spark of the inferno me and the other girl had, if that makes sense.
My friends said the same thing about our 'thing', but I have a hard time letting go because I feel she's letting me into her life and that means a lot to me.
Thanks again for the response.
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (1 October 2007):
Hi :)
I know you love this girl and its understandable that you dont want to let go of this relationship. But sometimes darling having love doesnt mean a relationship can work, which is unfortunate.
If there is one thing Ive learnt so far in life it is that you should listen to the people around you who love you- these are your friends and family. Your friends say things like 'i cant believe she is doing this to you' - that means they think shes treating you badly and probably believe you deserve better! Your parents also dont approve of this relationship and one BUT your parents will have your best intentions at heart- thats why its a good idea to listen to them. They dont have any hidden motives.
Have you thought that maybe the age gap is what is causing some of these issues? I mean she refers to what you two have as a 'thing'...but you feel its love and should be more then that. She sounds like she isnt ready to commit, and thats understandable because look at her age.
I think if you continue to be with her, you will have many issues due to her lack of expeirence and just being at her age, not being ready or even wanting, the same things that you do.
If I was you, I wouldnt ask her back out again because it doesnt seem like shes ready for that. And I also woudlnt continue to just have a 'thing' with her...thats not fair on you. You want a relationship and you're not geting it with her, so I think despite loving her, find another girl that you can love. There will be plenty more out there! Find one who is closer to yoru age who is mature enough to be in a relationship, and one who lives closer and one who your closest people have positive things to say about.
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