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I love her and she loves me, but our families are causing problems. How do I convince her to marry me?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 April 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 5 April 2011)
A male India age 36-40, *hamodaran writes:

Dear all.,

You will be appreciated if any one can help me to solve my problem. I am basically from a low class family from a small village. I dont even know how should I behave with a girl. I lost my mom and dad in 1997 and 2003 simultaniously and living under my sister control. She got married and got 2 childrens. I am basically family wish guy and fell in love with chupi from past 3 years. We both from different caste. But we both love each other a lot. Since my sister were not agreed I left her 2 times and came back to her. I used to fight with my girl for silly reasons and ask sorry also. She loves me a lot by the same time she is ready to sacrifice everything for others happy. She got a class from her father not to ask for intercaste marriage which will not be agreed by him also. But she only told me that she can make him to agree, becoz he loves her a lot.

Recently I got an anger on her for a silly reason and I slaped her in public. But I realized my mistake the very next day only. Next day she messaged me not to continue our relation. I have become a psycho and sister said that will agree for our marriage. But she was not ready to marry me. As per sisters advice I arranged her to meet my sister, so that my sister can explain about me and she will agree. But my sister scolded her and cheated her charecter in the way of advising her. She got hurted a lot and informed my sister that will never marry your brother. She maintaining the same with me also. What ever the situation happened is realized by me now and will never repeat in my life. I am ready to leave my sister and take care of my girlfriend also. But she says not possible, Leave your happy and my happy also but try to make your sister very happy. All my friends says she speaks in an anger, wait for couple of days and she will be back. But she will do anything for others happy. She told me that if the situation comes to marry you I will die. I dont know how to convince her.

Please if any experienced one gives me a good suggesion to make my life happy I would be thankful really. But both of our love is really true and we feel that we made for each other.

View related questions: fell in love

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (5 April 2011):

dirtball agony auntI'm glad to help, even if I know what I said wasn't what you may have wanted to hear. Remember, there will be other opportunities, even though it doesn't feel that way now. Work on becoming a better man, and improving yourself. Learn from your mistakes so that you do not repeat them. That's all any of us can do.

It sounds like you've got a good heart, and that's a very valuable. Best of luck taking ahold of your life and making it your own.

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A male reader, Dhamodaran India +, writes (5 April 2011):

Dhamodaran is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Dear Dirtball....,

Thank u very much for your valuable time spent for me.,

I do agree what ever you suggested to do.Becoz today I really realized the mistak I did.As today, no one thought me that how to behave with a girl.The way I grown and the situations in my life were very bad.I was not a qualified.All the things I learned only through my own mistake and experience.Even my parents were not teach me the same.Iam even 26 now,But still under some one control if you can belive me.Any have what ever the mistake I have done is mistake only.I cnt even say no.The solution to make my girl is leaving he only means,I will do that only for her happy.Really I only can make her to live better,Iam very sure about that.But my bad time I cant do anything now.I have done the mistake and shoukd be punished.Iam happily accept the punishment only for her happy.

Once again thank you very much for the support given by you dear......,

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (4 April 2011):

dirtball agony auntYour love for her isn't true, if it was, you would not have hit her. I don't care what your reasons may have been for it.

Her love for you may have been true until you hit her. Now she is scared of you, and is so for good reasons.

If you love her like you say, you will want her to be safe and happy. She will not be either of these with you anymore. You ruined what chances you had with her. You need to accept that and let this go. Reflect on why you hit her, and how you can change that aspect of yourself. Become a better man so that you do not repeat this mistake with anyone else.

I'm sorry, but I don't think you can fix this. You had enough against you before you made this mistake, and if she was here, I would tell her to never go back to you. Abusive people almost never change.

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