A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I dated this girl for just under two years, and in that two years we've lived together, shared our lives, and it seemed to be going perfect. Thats about when she left me for another man, for really no absolute reason, hence she came back to me. I didnt take her back for a while, until about a month ago. Two days pass, and they're blissful, and then again, she leaves me for another man. My problem is that even though she put me through all of that, I can't seem to get her off of my mind. every night is agony for me. I can't even focus on my life, and that isn't usually a problem. It feels like theres a void in my chest.Whats should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007): This is so tough! Im in a similar situation and if only you could turn that part of your mind off! Obviously you must respect yourself and just keep trying to put the focus back on you. Do you really want someone who is so cold hearted anyway? One day at a time..allowing people to just be regardless of what you want from them is an amazing freedom and real maturity.Feel proud that you asked for help, i think you are on the right track. Be strong!!!Good luck.
A
male
reader, sixth sense +, writes (29 June 2007):
I'm sorry to say but it isn't working. You took her back and for her to do it again two days later is unacceptable. Is it something that you are doing to her to make her look the other way? Are you taking care of her needs in bed? Those are 2 questions that you MUST ask yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): Well there is always a reason just you may be unaware of it or you don't like or agree with it.
I believe there is more going on here as I find it odd you would say for no reason, most people who have this mind set really are clueless to their involvement and maybe that's the whole problem- You not listening to her. Most women are very good at expressing their worries, their troubles. They may not want to you fix them all the time, but even listening, that 100% undivided attention, and doing your best to understand and reassure.
It could also be that you keep choosing an unreliable woman and there are signs as to how you can tell someone is not a "good", reliable, honest person.
Two years and she never strayed and it was "perfect"? If it were so perfect, why would she leave? That's a very one sided view and I think it could be taken everything was going the way you wanted it-possibly you are a bit controlling?
Anyways...
She has made up her mind.
The best you can do is forgive and forget and work on yourself.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): I am sorry. Let her go. Do not take her back, ever again. You need to realize that you gave yourself to someone who just doesn't value you enough. A truly loving partner is true-blue, considerate and thoughtful, not self-centered and hurtful and not just fulfilling their own needs. Her 'brand' of love for you wasn't trustworthy, truthful, honest and what you needed. Trust is foundational in a healthy, equally balanced love relationship and you will never have this with her because she's simply not' at the same committment level in this relationship, as you are. Spend some time on healing the emotional wounds you are carrying. Get back to a state of integrity and respect with yourself. You need to promise yourself better. Your gf has a lot of living to do before she is truely ready to settle. She needs time to find her own rhythms, date a variety of people, totally and independently on her own. But..she may try to come back when her life get's challenging or another guy dumps her. As tempting as it will be, remember the pain you have endured and don't take her back. By doing that you stop the cycle of pain for you. Let her get through her own life challenges, on her own.
Best thing to do? And this will be hell. End all contact now, no 'just' friends scenario, no e-mails, no phone calls.. because there is nothing like having this type of person in one's life to keep you from moving on with your life and please...don't begin dating new women, immediately, to help you heal from this. That is the worst thing you could do to some poor, innocent female. It's not her job to help you get over this relationship-this is your job, dear. You want to be completely recovered before venturing into the dating world, again. Your own loneliness and heartache are 'not' good emotions to feel, when entering another girl's life. What you are going through is a life learning experience. You have become wiser, more mature and enlightened. Now use that wisdom, when making good choices for partners, in your future. Good Luck dear and I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, Emma Jayne  +, writes (29 June 2007):
 Two words pop into my mind and they are Self Respect. don't get me wrong i am not disrespecting you because it is sooo hard to draw a line where these words are concerned. If this woman REALLY loves you why is she doing this? And if you REALLY love yourself why are you putting up with it?She is doing this because she knows she can and you will always be there for her to run back to. You have to find some back bone to put a stop to this if you show you're NOT going to be there at her every whim she will eventually start respecting you and if she does love you she'll realise you're not worth losing and stop hurting you.BUT there is only you that can stop this happening to yourself even if you are dying inside you have to stand your ground untill she realises you won't put up with it anymore. Until then while ever she gets away with it like she is, of course she's gonns carry on. Good luck Don't take no more stand up for yourself.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 June 2007):
 I guess you'll find it extremely difficult to do, but you need to forget her.You say she left you for no reason the first time; well, I don't think someone takes a different partner "for no reason". And then, there must be a reason for her leaving you this second time. You don't find it because you are not the reason. But, it is still true that your best course of action is to forget about her. You're in pain because you can't be with her. Well, she doesn't want to be with you. What are you to do about it?Walk away in silence and move on. You'll find someone else. Just don't forget to keep your spirits up.
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (29 June 2007):
 Protect yourself from more of this agony. She has proven that she will leave you for other people, with no regard for your feelings. She has no reason to change, therefore, cut her off. It will, of course, be very difficult to initiate a breakup. It will be even more difficult to stick to your word, but I think you need to save yourself from more agony and end the relationship.You love her. I understand that. You may never stop loving her, but I promise you will move on. You will meet other people in your life who you never thought you could love more, but you will. So, hang in there. Consider this a tough lesson learned.Good luck.
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