A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:How do i get around this? I have been with my woman 3 years. I seem to be always wrong about something. If i`m tired,i`m falling asleep on her.If she`s tired,she`s tired,end of story. When we go shopping its a case of hours,if i look at something i`m hurried. My behaviour is forever monitored and even written down. I`m told constantly about being secretive,although these secrets must be so secret,that i dont even know them myself. What`s more is that i`m not allowed to question her on anything,as this is classed as having a go at her.I am always having to account for everything. I have been accused of several things,only to find out that she`s done or goes on to do what i`m accused of. She`s constantly saying that i dont listen to her and yet remembers very little about what i`ve told her. She seems to take control over everything and i`m now wondering what thingds will be like 5 years from now.She told me that she slept with several men throughout her marriage"because he wasnt paying her any attention" This is another thing i`m always accused of.I love her but how am i going to break this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (16 February 2007):
 Point out some of HER flaws! Next time she falls asleep on you pick her up for it. Play her at her own game, let her see how childish she's being. Get a diary and write down everything SHE does that annoys you! She won't like it but tough! Next time she questions you about something tell her to stop having a go at you, she's nagging! Then write it down.
Regarding the shopping... 95 per cent of women love to shop and 95 per cent of men HATE it! Tell her you're going for a browse yourself and you'll meet back with her at 3pm or whatever for a coffee. If she's not happy with it then next time she hurries you when you're looking at something, pull her up for it!
This diary writing of course is only temporary, it's to teach her a lesson, to let her see how ridiculous it all is and eventually tell her you'll discard yours if she does the same. Let her know how she's acting and how it's really getting you down. But stand up to her! Don't let her domineer you in this way. She'll never have any respect for you if you don't and things will only get worse.
I'm giving you these ideas because you seem very fond of her regardless. If she continues to be the way she is and nothing works and you've REALLY had enough then it might be a good idea to end the relationship, but let her know why... she's a domineering, moaning, nag and a control freak who doesn't know respect or how to treat a man as an equal, then take your leave! You'll probably find it's the first time she's ever been stuck for words!
Good luck and stand up for yourself!!!!
Eve
A
female
reader, Millyella  +, writes (16 February 2007):
 My parents' relationship was very like yours, except my mother didn't keep notes (at least not that i'm aware of). My father left after 29 years of marriage, and he's never been happier. He has a life now, although no relationship. He says he won't ever have a relationship again, and is quite happy that way. Your partner has gotten away with this behaviour for the whole time you've been together. It will be hard to break the cycle, and you will have to be strong in the face of her rantings.
My mother is still basically the same person today, four years after my dad left. They have tried to patch things up a few times, but it always goes back to the same old way. I hope you can salvage your relationship (if that's what you want) but if you can't, there will be happiness again if you're on your own or with somebody else. Don't put up with this ridiculous behaviour just for the sake of a quiet life; it never lasts long.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): Kenny has summed up the situation! You are under her thumb. She is in complete control of your life, thoughts everything. For goodness sake get a grip and put things right! Tell her you are not happen. Explain all of this to her (i doubt you will be heard!) and tell her she is a bully! You are not standing for this for any longer and let her know that. You are an equal person, how would she feel if you were like this with her? If you carry on like this you are just entering into a life of misery. Also, i would tell her where to stick that bloody diary. If i was you and this didn't change then i would get out fast, run!!!
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (16 February 2007):
 It sounds like you are under the thumb to me. She has completely taken charge of the relationhip, and seems to be wearing the trousers.
She is keeping a diary on your behaviour like you are twelve years old, you are a grown man for goodness sake.
You can't get away with anything, while she can do anything she like's, most probably because she knows she can as you don't question her.
The only i way i can see you can break this is to toughen up abit and do the things that you want. When you go shopping instead of going round looking at dresses with her or whatever, break away and say im going to go and look something you want to look at, and i will meet you later.
If you don't change now it will be this scenario in five years. Take charge now or things will only get worse and worse.
good luck
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