A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I have been going out with my girlfriend for over 2 years now. We moved in together this past January and things are going well.The thing is I am insecure about the fact that she gets along better with guys and therefore has many guy friends. I think some of that insecurity stems from my sexual problems. Anyways, she recently met this guy from work and is always having text-ing wars with him when we are watching TV. They both leave a lot of comments on each other's Myspace pages. However, these comments are all very innocent friendly comment and nothing that is sexual in any way. Sometimes she goes out late after work and hangs out with him and this other girl. However, she never tells me that she hangs out with him because I have definitely acted in jealous ways in the past. I think she is trying to not worry me. To be honest, I know that she wouldn't cheat on me because she is always talking about our kids, marrying me, and our future together, etc. She is very loving and commited to the relationship. She hasn't been starting fights or really changing her behavior in any way. She is still the same wonderful girl I fell in love with. I really feel like this is all in my head and I am making it out to be more than it really seems. I hate the fact that I am letting this guy she is friends with have so much power over me and how I feel. Please help me feel better. I couldn't sleep at all last night.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 Firstly, spend some time on yourself, and bring up your sexual skills so that you can feel more confident about yourself. What are you waiting for? There are TONS of resources (books, videos, seminars even on how to be a great lover. Get busy and STUDY.)
Next, having been the "other" man a couple of times, and knowing what I know, I do not beleive for one second that all those guys around her are "just friends". She may not be interested in them...for now...but I am sure they would do her given half the chance. You are a man, they are men, so you know what they are thinking.
I know and have done too much in my life to go on "good faith". There is no reason for her to be hanging out with all these "just good friends". Check out the huge number of posts on this site from men and women who are having affairs and how they all started out as "just friends who hang out".
-Frank B Kermit
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (17 July 2007):
 You have to reinforce your love for her and leave it alone !! As much as it scares you, you must do this. By doing this, you're doing what a supportive mate is supposed to do. WE encourage our mates to enjoy life within the reasonable boundaries we choose.
It doesn't make you a fool or chump to allow this to happen. It makes you trusting and an example of how we should all be. If she cheats on you, you're still not a fool. You played by the rules of love. It would make her a fool. That is a reflection of her, not you.
All we can do is roll the dice and hope the person we love is on the same page. There is not guarantee.
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