A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for almost a year and have been with my wife a total of 5 years. We have 2 kids together 3 and 1. Well since february things havent been the same. She took a random trip with a friend out of town to get away and when she got home i was helping her unpack and lingerie was in her suitcase. I flipped a lid and her and her friend both said they did that so i would get upset because i was being a bad father/husband. I was like whatever and moved on. Well now as of late she has been on facebook and reconnected with a guy in the military that is overseas that she grew up with. Well he now calls her 3-5 times a week and they talk for hours at a time. She recently made him a scrapbook and they email eachother alot also. I also read one email and it was stating. "i love you, sweet dreams i hope you are dreaming of me" I confronted my wife and she claims they are really good friends and there is nothing romantic when obviously this message seemed pretty romantic to me. She says now that she loves me but is not inlove with me since Feb. our bad incident we had and that we got married cause our families were pressuring us because we have 2 kids. I dont know what to do. I love her and my kids more than anything but now my trust has gone out the window. She says she wants to get help because she doesnt know what she wants but wants to make it work for the kids. I dont know if im wasting my time and mental state sticking around. But i dont wanna be away from my kids. they mean everything to me and i want them everyday. But her constantly talking to this guy is really getting to me and when i asked her to stop and how i felt she said she would but nothing seems to have changed. I dont want to file for divorce but my trust problem is making it worse as i now stalk our cellphone logs and facebook all the time. I feel like im gonna be the one that needs the help soon.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 July 2010):
She must cut contact with this man. No amount of help will do anything unless she cuts contact with this man and focuses on getting this sorted out. She needs to cut contact with this man if she is serious.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): Me again...i dont want to separate as im giving her time to seek help. But if she doesnt get it soon i will have to come to the realization that this relationship has failed. My heart has been in my stomach for a while now and mentally im struggling to get by as im now crying as i type this. It hurts so much
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 July 2010):
You know the truth, don't you? I know you do. Because I do to. And I'm sorry for you, because you're being made out to be a bad guy while your wife and her friends are really the ones here who are full of it.
First of all, her friends are either that crap to suggest you're a bad father and put the lingerie in the case on purpose, or they came up with one of the worst excuses ever.
Secondly, she's reconnected with this military guy and they're talking 3-5 times a week for hours at a time, whilst also messaging each other. And I'm sorry, but that is rubbish that there is nothing romantic in what she is saying. That's romantic, and she's just in denial.
The bottom line is, she is cheating. Whether it's physical or emotional or both, she is cheating. And she won't cut contact with this other guy so you can work on your marriage. Not good enough. And if she won't cut contact, you can't stay because you'll end up being played. I have to say, she's actually being very selfish. She claims she wants to work it out, but wont' cut contact. That's just not good enough, and you deserve better. So, I think you need to give her an ultimatum. Either she stops speaking, today, to this guy and deletes him from facebook, or come Monday morning you file for divorce. Please don't sit there and allow her to treat you this way. It won't do you any good, and it won't do your kids good to know what she's up to either.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): This is making me feel sick to the stomach. Sounds like her friend was covering for her about the weekend and that she may have cheated on you.She's married to you but thinks it's ok to get involved with another man (yes it's emotional cheating). At the first sign of trouble, I would have put my foot down and made it loud and clear that I wouldn't stand for that crap.You've let her start talking to some guy and get connected to him...What's wrong with her doing that to you. This is a bad situation and I feel sorry for you. My advice is that you try to seek couples counselling to resolve this before things reach a point where you are both headed for divorce.There's your kids to think about like you said, so for their sake, try to resolve this together if possible.
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