A
male
age
36-40,
*esidude
writes:I was with this girl for 2 years and 4 months. We've had a good relationship and loved each other a lot. Everything was going fine and all of a sudden she stopped calling me as much and when i call she wouldn't talk the same and would hang up after 5 to 10 minutes into conversation. I just thought may be she needed some space so i didn't say anything for two weeks until i got frustrated. Then me and her decided to sit down and talk about it. I asked her whats wrong and she said she had been thinking about our relationship for past two weeks and thinks that she doesn't feel the same way for me. We had a lot of fights and arguments during our relationship but by end of the night we were always fine. I really love her a lot and want to get her back but i don't know what to do. Since we have common friends we decided to be friends and we still talk every once in a while. My friends told me to give her some time and may be she'll come back. I don't know what to do I love her a lot and want to get back with her. Please help me what should i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): It's good that you haven't completely cut off from each other, and that she had the decency to explain how she felt.
Most of us who've been (unexpectedly) dumped by someone they love(d) have clung onto the hope that their ex will see the error of their ways and want us back.
Sadly (for us), a lot of women just have a one-way OFF switch when it comes to their feelings for a man. It sounds as though your ex struggled with her feelings for a while, but once she'd made up her mind, that was it. I'm not saying she'll NEVER regret it, but for now assume it's over and get on with your life.
So, my advice is the same as Cerberus'. Think about whether you're staying friends with her mainly in the hope that you'll get back together. If so, you're just prolonging the pain. What if she starts seeing someone else? How will you feel then, if you're still pining for her? Although it's going to hurt like hell now (trust me, I know!) the best thing for you might be to cut all contact for a while. Tell her why you're doing it, wish her well, and move on with your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): If she loves you as much as you love her she will run into your arms. Love never keeps any one away. So to answer your question Love and only love will bring her back to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): Move on. Seriously do nothing.
Your friends were only half right, giving her some time is a good thing but if you haven't moved on she's not going to come back.
A lot of people don't get this but if you're still there, after giving her her time, and you're still pining for her, upset, sad and unable to move on then she's very unlikely to want to dive back into something like that. Do you see what I'm getting at? Who wants to go back and start a relationship from that point, who wants to get back with a person who is miserable without them and can't find happiness in other things. It's too heavy.
Move on with your life in the assumption that she's never coming back. Find joy, happiness and fulfillment in a life without her. Get to the stage where you're that happy single confident guy she first met again and she might come back. Seriously would you want to get back into a relationship where your ex was still crying into her cornflakes? No, you wouldn't. It's emotionally draining.
When she sees that you are happy, relaxed and enjoying life again then she might reconsider because she'll miss having that happy confident you. She's not going to miss the desperate, lonely, sad you. Feeling sorry for someone is not the best reason to start dating again, in fact it's crap.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 There is little you can do. This is a question of her feelings and you can do little to change them at this point. You can still let her know that you are still there for her and that you still love her, call from time to time to ask how she is but continue to give her space. She needs to decide how she feels about you. If she truly feels nothing, you can only be there for her as a friend and perhaps then old love will come rushing back.
I hope that helps.
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