A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi aunts and uncles, its me the older woman dumped for the 24 year old girl who got pregnat by the ex.... im over him, still care about him but have finally come to terms. i went to meet up with him for the alimony payment the other day and what does he do, he pulls up the picture of his newly born baby boy and shows it to me. of course i look at it, and tell him how cute he is and i congratulate him. but im sorry but he left me got with this girl got her pregnant, knew i could not give him a child, and he shows me a pic of his baby???? i was so upset over this i mean it was like look at what i left you for, i know hes proud and glad that he finally got the son he wanted but he also knew how i felt about it. he talked about teaching him to play baseball and how he was going to spoil him. im a real nice person, and i stood there a listened to him, smiling. but the whole time i wanted to absolutly punch him in his face. i told him good bye see you in two weeks, that evening he changed his address on fb to where he is living now. but for a year and half the address stayed the same where we both lived. im telling you this because i have two questions. 1) why would he show me this pic. is he trying to shove me back in the black hole that i just crawled out of, because thats how i felt like he was trying to hurt me. 2) why wait a year and a half to change your address on fb, he has changed other things on there, like he got engaged to her, his new job etc.... but never touched the address, could it be that perhaps he wanted me to say ok you got the baby now come back to me? im sorry i should have told you that 6 months prior to him cheating on me and leaving me. he asked me if he went out and got someone pregnant would i help him raise his baby. i told him no, im too old to raise a kid, and no woman is going to let you get them pregnant and than give up her kid to you. it just seems like every time i meet with him he puts me down in some way, almost like he does not want me to better myself or feel better about my self. i dont care to get the money from him, but its just that he is so down right smug everytime i meet him. i have asked my lawyer to set this up where i dont have to see this ass, but he has enformed me that if i could work it out and stay civil with him that it would be better because it would cost me his fee which is 240.00 and hour plus court costs, plus the court would take 5 percent of doing it through them. just dont know how to stand up and be a bitch to this man. what do you think????????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): He is a complete jerk for having the gall to show you the picture of his baby which is the result of his adultery. I am completely appalled. It's kicking you someone when they are down, hitting below the belt. You are a saint for maintaining your composure and civility.also he obviously only cares about having a baby, and will go to whatever means necessary to get one and trample on whoever he needs to trample on to get one. I bet he doesn't care about his new wife all that much, he only cares that he proved to himself how virile he is. Don't worry, karma is a b!tch. Right now he is on top of the world but you know what they say - the higher they climb, the harder they fall. It wouldn't surprise me if some day his young new wife cheats on him (after all she's already shown she's capable of that) and gets pregnant by another man and leaves him, then runs into him at their divorce and shows him her new baby by someone else. Then when that day comes and he's upset that he got dumped for a younger man, you will by then be carefree and happy and maybe happily married to someone new.there should be a way to get his alimony payment without having to see him in person.
A
female
reader, cynthiamoon  +, writes (12 June 2013):
Wow!! How insensitive bordering on nacarissim but your not a victim so you need to take action in changing the set up. Set up a direct deposit via the bank, get busy so you have no time to pick up the check, take a course, meet a new man pronto!!!, take up a new hobby, get a goal and find out what you really want now....where are you going now, which direction do you want to move in. This will re-focus you mind on things that bring you joy instead of pondering the past. Focus on the Joy.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (7 June 2013):
Dear OP,
I think he's just being insensitive. People with little children always go on childless peoples' nerves by annoying them with baby pictures.
He probably didn't realize he's hurting you that much. He was obsessed with having a kid even when you were still together, it was his biggest dream and he even considered having some sort of weird arrangement with a third party to make it come true. So he actually wanted to stay together somehow, but he knew it's either your marriage or having children. He finally hurt you and left, because he knew his biological clock was ticking.
So, what does all this mean? He probably tries to overlook the weird atmosphere between you, and there's a corner of his heart where he wishes you will be happy for him and approve of his decision. Why? I don't know, but I wouldn't read too much into it. I guess he loved you, or still loves you a little bit, somewhere. But he wouldn't leave his family for you anymore, because this was what he always wanted. He may have realised the day he showed you his baby picture, and definitely changed his address. Because there's no way back to you. You've grown apart and he's committed to someone else.
So, if you don't want him to meet you and show you baby pictures, you don't need a lawyer. Be your own lawyer and act in your best interest.
You can simply tell him: "I don't ever want to see this kid's pictures again. I'm hurt. I'm hurt because you left me. I'm hurt because you chose another woman over me and now expect me to be happy for you. That's so selfish! Don't you realise that I'm alone now, while you are enjoying yourself? How would you feel in my place? You keep pushing me into this dark hole. I don't want to see your happy family pics, I want to find the strength to move on and forget you. Can't we do this via mail?" I am pretty sure that's quite likely to help.
Or you can say something more angry. Feel free to tell him you want to punch his face.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2013): "1) why would he show me this pic. is he trying to shove me back in the black hole that i just crawled out of, because thats how i felt like he was trying to hurt me."He's not trying to hurt you, he wants to continue to control you and the best way to accomplish that while he continues to shack up with his baby mama is by making you miserable as he jeeps you dependent on him. "2) why wait a year and a half to change your address on fb, he has changed other things on there, like he got engaged to her, his new job etc.... but never touched the address, could it be that perhaps he wanted me to say ok you got the baby now come back to me?"Whatever his reasons, they are completely self-serving. "i have asked my lawyer to set this up where i dont have to see this ass, but he has enformed me that if i could work it out and stay civil with him that it would be better because it would cost me his fee which is 240.00 and hour plus court costs, plus the court would take 5 percent of doing it through them. just dont know how to stand up and be a bitch to this man. what do you think????????"I think you need a new lawyer. Is ex paying for your lawyer, because it almost seems like "your" lawyer is taking orders from your ex so ex can continue to string you along.At the risk of sounding harsh, but you need to smarten up and start looking out for your interests. Your ex is a controlling, emotionally abusive scumbag who has treated you with absolute contempt and the only reason he can get away with it is because you continue to play right into his hands. Standing up for yourself is not you being a bitch, it's you for once refusing to be a doormat.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (7 June 2013):
 Hi
He could transfer the Alimony into your account via internet banking, it takes 5 minutes and costs nothing. Or mail the cheque.
You don't need constant reminders about his new life, it's cruel. I would have taken the cheque and remarked how knackered he looks, then left for a way more important appointment/date.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (7 June 2013):
 Hello, I can see why you are upset and I would be upset too. I would like to tell you though that no one can make you feel anything unless you allow them to. It sounds cliche but it is very true. You behaved like a perfect lady,smiling and engaging him in his pride over his new son. Men are not known for thinking things through before they do them. All he knows is that he has a new son and wants to show it to the world and shout from a mountain top. He is not thinking of anything else. I really would not take it as a personal attack on you. The mere fact that you were so gracious in indulging him with his "show and tell" means that you are a wonderful human being. It is his loss that he left you. Shame on him for even asking you to raise someone else's child as well....just goes to confirm what I said...some men just don't think things through at all.I would not want to see him as well...I am positive that you have other options to collecting your alimony. What about him depositing it to your bank account? There would be a record of it being done if the legal confirmation is what you require. Can he mail you a cheque? What about Western Union? Paypal? Dropping it off at your work place....and leaving a cheque with reception? Your lawyer definitely does not have to get involved. My suggestion would be to call him, tell him that now with the new baby, you know he is busy and his time is not as disposable...let him know your time is taken up as well....and choose one of the options above. You don't have to make this complicated and resolving it shouldn't be heart wrenching or dramatic. This is your ex-husband....EX....he has no hold over you, no say in your life. You are the commander of your life ship. He cannot make you feel what you don't allow him to make your feel. So what...he has a kid!! Guess who has extra expenses.....not YOU! Arrange an alternative. You won't have to see him and hear his baby stories. You get to move on quicker and not be reminded of anything. You are now in control.Wishing you well.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 June 2013):
 Why do you have to physically pick up the check? Why not have him mail it to you?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 June 2013):
 I thiink you are understandably upset with what happened.
I also think that you should recognize this as one of the crosses you're going to have to bear, in this life, and not think too much (or, ANY MORE) about it.
Good luck....
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