A
female
age
36-40,
*unnyLee06
writes:I have been dating this guy for almost 3 months, and we talk about our future and we talk about moving away together....When we got together he smoked pot everyday more than 4 times a day....more than 6 times a day! He eventually saw how much it bothered me that he smoked and he quit. Through that process we lost our friends, and ended up with only eachother. Which is a situation I am ecstatic to be in. I love being with him 24/7....but he's starting to act really unattracted to me. He doesnt like to makeout with me anymore, he hates cuddling b4 we go to bed cause i expect him to fall asleep that way! I hate seeing the back of his head everynight....it always ends up with me crying. He knows i'm crying but he doesnt move an inch. He pretends to be sleeping....We broke up once kind of and he begged for a 2nd chance....and promised he'd change and become more romantic and sensual. But he hasnt...at all.The night before Easter Sunday we were drinking together and he "warned" me....He said "Just letting you know, I am very very romantic when I start drinking".....well as the night progressed he became more and more of a jerk. So it got me thinking....i'm obviously not important enough to be romantic towards....it's been easy to be romantic to all his other girlfriends obviously but why am i so different? I am just extremely unhappy, and I want to stay with him for as long as possible, but I am so afraid that this is where it ends. Are there any last things I can try to get him to want to be the man I need him to be? i know I can't CHANGE him if he doesnt want to be changed....but I don't want to lose him. How do I make him care? How do I make him tell me he's upset instead of him promising on my life that nothings wrong but I KNOW....YOU EVER JUST KNOW? that somethings wrong....my stomach can't take anymore pain....and heart ache....what do i do?
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female
reader, vsnod +, writes (4 April 2008):
 I think you answered your own question. It always sucks when someone doesn't live up to be the person you know they can be, but as you stated: "I can't CHANGE him if he doesnt want to be changed" Also, you state you are "extremely unhappy", so why do you want to stay?
As a side note, to be with someone 24/7 and push all his friends out of his life... isn't good. Now, if they were all bad people, that is another story. Otherwise, you should never try to get a guy to isolate himself from his friends, just as he should not make you loose all of your friends. I hope this helps. And don't stress too much, things always have a way of working out. You may break up with this guy and in a few weeks find someone who is a much better match.
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