A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a bit of a mess right now. I have a boyfriend of over five years and our relationship is really important and special to me. We have been through a few rough patches, which have all been from him wanting to get out, but we ended up resolving them mainly because of my determination. Recently he's said that he loves me and wants to stay with me forever; he's mentioned marriage and proposing. I should be happy, really, but there's a big problem. I have loved another guy for most of the course of the relationship who went to the same school as us. My boyfriend and I started going out at a VERY young age, so then I thought it was just a crush, but recently we've all left college and have moved apart to different parts of the country and I've realised that I actually LOVE this other guy. I love my boyfriend too, but it seems like I love him in a different way - less urgently/passionately. At the end of this year my boyfriend is moving to be at the same uni as me (he's taking a GAP year now), and I hope it's going to help resolve this problem. But I don't see how this is due to our long-distance relationship because that would suggest me fancying new guys and that's not a problem. It seems to have happened because of me being apart from the other guy. I know that he had feelings for me a few years ago and I suspect that they never faded, because of his actions over the last year or so. I don't want to leave my relationship. But I want to follow my heart too...I guess I'm just being greedy! Should I tell my boyfriend? Should I act or just wait it out? Because I guess I don't really know if the other guy feels anything for me any more.
View related questions:
crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 One bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. It is better you focus on what you have then to waste your energy on someone out there who may not even know if you exist.
You are in a relationship and you want to be available.Better to keep life more simpler.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): If you is not IN LOVE with your boyfriend, then it doesn't make any sense for you to be with him. It sounds like you love him more like a friend than a lover. You have been cheating your self out of a possible chance for true love. You stated that you are not sure how the other guy feel because it has been a few years.But you think he do love you because of his actions. An ex-boyfriend told me these words and I will always hold them close. He said, "it's not what a person tell you. It's how they make you feel that let you know how they feel about you."
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): Maybe you want your boyfriend less urgently and less passionately because ye know each other so well. Five years is a long time to be with someone and after that length of time things tend to settle down. Those fluttery feelings dont last forever you know. Relationships need a bit of work too!!
Maybe you miss this other guy so much because you miss the attention he gave you and the way he made you feel. Would you miss it if your boyfriend was being more attentive to you??? I would suggest working things out with your boyfriend. Remember how you felt when he was unsure of his feelings for you. Try to bring a bit of passion and excitement into ye're relationship..Communicate with him , ask him to be more aware to your needs.
I do think that you need to seriously ask yourself in what way do you love your boyfriend. As a lover and life partner or just as a friend. Sometimes relationships do run their courses. Peoples feelings do change.
If you choose to be with this other guy the passion will be great at the start. But as time goes on it dies down..and only the determination of the people involved make the relationship work!!!
Goodluck xx
...............................
A
female
reader, speedcat  +, writes (20 January 2008):
You dont seem thrilled with your current boyfriend, maybe because of his "off and ON" feelings, sounds like you fought to keep him, and now the chase is done you won. Its all about if your willing to take the chance grass may be greener on the other side but it may not be.You should not have to feel like your setteling in life, if this is the case with the current boyfriend then maybe you should look for someone who makes you feel happy and "IN" love. Good luck !!!!
...............................
|
