A
female
age
36-40,
*ophie Fisher
writes:Dear Cupid,I have a boyfriend,his name is J.I love him so much that I dont want to be away from him, problem is he's Chinese and I'm Indonesian.I'm worried about my family,they're so old fashioned and they want me to marry Indonesian guy as well.I'm now 22 year old and J is 26 year old.can you please help me and give me some advice?I just love him so much and I dont want to be separated from him someday just because of this family thing.thank you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (17 March 2009):
 Are you referring to J as Chinese because of his ethnicity or his religion? The reason I asked is sometimes parents - ye, they are just human beings like the rest of us - would state an objection against something, when the actual objection is something else.
Their perception of J being Chinese, for instance, may be that of a stereotypical Chinese in Indonesia/Malaysia, i.e. occupation: in the private business (merchant/trader/enterpreuner) or finance (accountant, auditor). Yet, there are many Chinese working as engineers, doctors, movie stars, and so forth.
Ask your parents nicely, whether it is his ethnicity that they object to, or something else. In the East, I have seen that religion plays more of a key role than ethnicity. If he is of the same nationality as you, then you can show his passport to your parents and tell them that he qualifies as an "Indonesian" too.
If it is religion that they are concerned about, then the two of you need to discuss it amongst yourselves if he is willing to follow your faith. If he is not, are you willing to follow his, and thus risking to upset your parents? Your parents may be upset, but I have seen over and over again, how their heart just goes to mush when they get grandchildren from the daughter/son whose marriage they strongly opposed initially. :-)
If you are a Muslim, I believe there is a special prayer that you can do, to help you decide on what is best for you. For some a prayer is powerful communication channel to God. For others, a prayer is just another form of positive thinking.
Good luck, and I hope it works out for the best for you.
Cat
|
