A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.My best friend has had feelings for me for a long time, we both knew it but we decided to not worry about the future when I would fall in love with someone else and "just enjoy today". She knew I didn't feel the same and said she was happy to just be friends until a day when it ended.she was my best friend but she often made me feel very sad as she was sometimes very cruel to me, my family and my friends, perhaps as she was hurting inside about the situation. I said no to every girl who asked me out for 2 years as i didn't want to lose my best friend.She was more open about it for a few months and we even spoke about what we wanted in another person, she told me about her dream boyfriend and things like that, so I thought she was moving on from what she wanted with me. she even spoke about other guys. Then I met my dream girl, a girl i didn't want to say no to. When I told her I now have a girlfriend she said she'd spent all of this time trying to be what I wanted in the hope I would love her.She said she would stay as friends despite me having a girlfriend in the hope one day we might break up and she would have a chance. she said she would change to be what i wanted, but I had to be honest with her and tell her I don't think that will ever happen and I don't want her to hope for that and change who she is. I just don't feel that way for her. I know its often said but she genuinely felt more like a sister to me. She said as long as i didn't close the door she would try to get through it, but i knew i had to close it as it would hurt her more to leave it open and i just don't feel that way for her.I didn't want to give her the false hope, I think its better to tell them the truth rather than live a lie and play with their heart all that time. I told her she is an amazing person and would be a dream girlfriend for many people its just that i am not able to change what i feel and that one day she will find that person for her she deserves. She was devastated and said she hated me, never wanted to talk to me and that i'd hurt her more than anyone ever had. she deleted me from everything and blocked me too. I don't see her often so we mostly talk online. she spent an hour insulting me telling me how bad i was to her. I kept saying sorry and that she means a lot to me just not in the way she wanted.I feel absolutely awful and can't stop crying, I've lost the best friend I've ever had who genuinely meant lots to me but I also feel terrible for hurting her and the things she said. I knew i had to sacrifice a friendship that meant lots to me as it would save her pain. i once spent a year hoping to get my ex back as she said maybe in a year she would love me again, just to make me feel better in that moment. That year of false hope was the most miserable year of my life and i didn't want to do that to my best friend. But in the end it was her decision to cut me out of her life.I think I did the best thing for her in the long run as much as it hurts her now, I just want to know what others think about how i handled it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): Also from the other side. What you need to realize is that when romantic feelings are involved friendship can not exist. You did right not leading her on and she is also right to cut all contact with you (the verbal abuse... not so right, but people in pain can be cruel sometimes)I know that having a person whose presence brings a lot in your life around is great but if you appreciate the person you need to take their feelings into consideration. I just broke it off with someone for the same reason (although with us it was more complicated, sex was involved and he still claimed he wanted my friendship). Having the person that I love in such proximity is a deceptive fix. a) you are DYING to hold them and share affection and you can't b) when a new romantic interest inevitably shows up I can't think of a greater pain. Sometimes walking away is kinder. Aceept that and let her go so that maybe she will get a chance to be happy. Love can not be switched on and off
A
female
reader, theres_always_a_loophole  +, writes (27 July 2013):
 Yes, you handled it right. You did the best thing you could for her by not leading her on. She may be hurting right now which is why she blew up at you and blocked you. She would be hurting so much worse if you had led her on, though. Just keep that in mind. There wasn't much you could do in this situation, but you picked the right thing. I imagine she'll eventually add you and talk to you again once she is over you. It could take months or even years, but hopefully there will come a day when she is able to be your friend without wanting more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): I do think you handled it the best way. You tried to be honest and open about it, even putting yourself in her shoes. Perhaps it could have been addressed earlier but you couldn't have known her feelings were going to cling on for dear life. You put your life on hold for her which makes you a grea guy. I think in time she will see you did the best thing for her. That is may hurt like hell for you both but time will heal it. I am sorry you lost your best friend but for her sake, it was better to let her go. It is no life just waiting with false hope x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): Hey there, I have recently been in this same position except I was on the other side, so I can relate a lot to your post. When you have loved someone with everything, wanted to be with them, changed yourself for them,it is devistating when the reality hists you and its worse than anything. The pain is so raw and it's as though every memory is tainted, it's like even though you are friends when you were together you knew and she knew, she was trying to be the best for you and you were waiting in hope for her to move on even though she was still in love with you. Trust me she has deleted you because it is the only way she can cope, not only with the rejection but the reality that she will never be with you. As I said, for her who has loved you this will hurt for a long time. I am sure she still wants you in her life but the reality of you never being with her will take a lot of time to heal. She understands that you care for her deeply, but what she needs from you is something you can't give her, it makes it worse that you have found someone that you love, and that does not happen to be her. By erasing you it's like a way of coming to grips with it, i do think she will reach out to you but she must be alone to try her best to let the feeling for you go. She loved you, that does not go away over night, you rejected her love, it is the worst feeling in the world. I am afraid you can only wait for her, (i think) she will come around, but it's on her terms. How you felt about your ex cutting you out is how she feels about you, that worst feeling you had, well thats happening right now to her. give it timeI hope this helps :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): You dealt with situation very well. In time she will realize that what you did was best for both of you and she will start to talk to you again. It may take a month, it may take a year, but she will eventually come around and talk to you.
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