A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would appreciate any advice that you could give me. I am in a dilemma. I am coming towards the end of my first year as a PhD student and I left a job I enjoyed (very people orientated) and I find the research itself a bit boring and I cant get excitied about it. I have may financial commitments (mortgage etc) and have the opportunity of starting a new job soon which sounds attractive. - I have made the decision that I do not want to leave my home city and proposects are limited and for most PhD opportunities I would have to move away which used to appeal to me but my partner wouldnt leave and I am happy where I am now. I used to be more ambitious, but over the last few years since I met my partner this ambition has reduced greatly, though I am happy. I think my lack of ambition is partly the reason for my heart not to be in my PhD. What would you advise? Has ayone else been in a similar position? Any comments/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
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male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 It really comes down to what is more important to you: Your relationship or your career. Do you think you'll be content limiting your ambitions and just sticking it out and living with your partner?From personal experience: I was dating a girl. She was moving to go to school and take a job, and wanted me to move with her. Problem was i had a great job and couldn't in good conscience move unless i had something comparable in her area.We tried a long distance relationship for about a year, but things looked to be falling apart. I was 2 weeks away from ending it all when i found out she was pregnant.Friends and family told me that i had to do what was right for ME, and to not let this baby hold me back. My plan was to eventually move on to bigger and better things as far as careers go, and even possibly do some risky stuff in an attempt to go after my first love (filmmaking). However, i sucked it up and married the girl. I did hold my ground in holding onto my current job, and they eventually moved down to live with me. I find, however, that i have not always been content where i am at. To be honest, there have been times when i've held quite a bit of resentment for the situation i am in..4 years have passed now, and i think my ambitions are finally starting to die down, too. I sometimes wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I feel like i'm capable of so much more, but i'm also trying to play it safe for the sake of my child.Tis a tough tough decision, and i don't envy you!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 Personally I would advice you doing whatever it is that makes you happy. I understand that you used to be very ambitious but now things are dying down. If you are not happy studying at the moment and this job sounds like something you really want to do well I dont see a problem with this. But dont rush in to any decision think about it clearly and make sure the job is stable and ask yourself is it a career you can see yourself sticking with in the future. Also when it comes to your phd just make sure that you arent giving it up because you are with your partner. Just make sure it is the right decision for you and not anyone else.
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