A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HI, My relationship with a man has been going on for 8 yrs, thing is when i met him ,him and I were still married but separated from our spouses, He had his home and I had my own apartment. I was only separated a year and then filed for a no fault divorce, his was more complicated. A year after dating this man, he had asked me to move into his home with him and that he loved me to make a long term life, I was hesitant knowing his divorce wasn't finalized and I didnt want to get hurt, anyways, I did the opposite and moved in with him. During the course of that first yr I didnt bother him much with divorcing his wife, I thought to myself he is grown man he will do it on his own. 2 yrs into the relationship I started with small conversations about when he is going to get the divorce started, all I got was "I will". I told him to go to my no fault divorce lawyer, well that failed, his wife didnt sign, so another year passed, going on 3yrs. He didnt do anything, 4th yr we found this lawyer who he is dealing with now, he paid this lawyer a retainer fee 4yrs ago and just paid him off other fees just as of last week. The other day I asked of him to call this lawyer to find out what the next step would be, He got angry with me and said" Isn't paying him off enough for you?" what I'm trying to say here is that year after year I stuck around in this relationship and he always put other things first before doing whats important for us, He always tells me this too "If I can't be patient, there's the door" or I keep nagging him too much and that he can't take it anymore and maybe I should leave if i can't wait. Is this right for someone who claims to love someoneso much? I feel in my heart he is afraid to lose him home, b/c it's under the both of their names. This is why I think he is delaying this. I just don't know what to do, his parents whom are in there 70's tell me " you knew what you were getting into". Yes maybe, but your son made me promises year after year to get this done and he puts cars, luxury before it. Please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): Look, the guy knows that as soon as he gets that divorce you're going to be on him to get married with that same kind of pressure and he probably doesn't want that. You settled for things on his terms against your better judgement and now things are the way he wants them and he has little incentive to change. He has a life with you the way he wants it. So what if the divorce does go through? You don't think you're going to go throught the same thing trying to get him to marry you? He's procrastinating for a reason and I'd get to the bottom of that.
A
female
reader, Doctor-CC  +, writes (22 February 2009):
hey girl, i have had the same experience before. We sat down and i told him how his actions were making me feel and he told me about his as well. What i am trying to say is, just give him a little more time, dont nag him so much and see if he does it himself. If a few weeks pass, give him the choice of getting a divorce or being with you. The you will know his true feelings. Take Care Chick x
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