A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hiya, i need some advice as at the moment, i am very angry at my mum. To cut a long story short, i have been with my fiance for nearly 4 years, and we plan to marry next November in a different country and hopefully plan to live in this country and start a new life together there and set up a home. I am 19, he is 27. Our relationship is great- we are devoted to each other and there are no worries there. People have contstantly critized our relationship because of our ages but now our family are fine with it and we just dont give a damn what other people think. I have always had a bad relationship with my mother and we have never got on very well, but i have tried to make it better now and i am helping her with money issues and helping her out a lot, and i especially want to make things work because of growing up and wanting to move and live my own life soon. Her problem is that i have no friends. I, to be honest, cant keep a friend for long because i get bored, and the friends that i have had, annoyed me easily. I have lived my life without real friends anyway and i am still happy and sane! Sometimes i do wish i had friends, so i can have a girly chat but then most of the time i dont. Its not that i dont like socializiing, i just never have had a friend that has lasted. My mother has a problem that i dont have any friends and that i dont go out-? When i am with my fiance we socialize with friends and we have a great time, but because we both live at home, i only go out with people when we are together, so she doesnt see it when we go out. To make matters worse, about half an hour ago, she started having a go at me because i was on my laptop and she started saying that i have no friends and that i need to go out more and have a life- then she said ''and by getting married next year means you will throw your life away''. She is not married, but has had bad relationships- and due to the relationship that she is in now- and has been for the last 10 years, has made me want to have a happy married life- and definately not like her life. She is unhappy and stressed all the time, left alone with the kids all day and sometimes i think she is going to have a breakdown. The person she is with is not nice at all- they say the nastiest things to each other and seem to have no respect at all for each other, she is like his skivvy. By growing up in this kind of atmosphere has made me understand that that is not a normal life to live and it is certianly not the way i will live. Me and my fiance have a great life together - we love to travel, and whenever we are together, we always have the best time- i mean, dont get me wrong, we have our times but we are truly blessed with a great relationship. I think that sometimes my mum may be jealous but i hate it when she always brings up the fact that i have no friends and i have no life when i do, and especially when she said today when my life will be over when i get married! I know its just her fear, and im not bothered but i suppose im just on here to vent, but does anyone have any advice for me? I really try to be there for her most of the time, and i really have helped her out so much, sometimes i think her fear is of loosing me for my help that i give her, with money and helping her with my sisters when thier father is not around. Sometimes i really dislike her, but i just wish that we had a nice relationship where she doesnt have to critisize everything about me. Has anyone been in the same situation? or can you give me any advice?
View related questions:
a break, fiance, jealous, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 February 2009):
We all wish that we could have that mum that listens to our problems and cares and has good advice, but unfortunately some of us don't get that.
My Mum would never openly critisize but then puts massive guilt trips on you. eg. "I do WISH you could have a nicer sofa." or "Would you like me to come and visit you so I can help you tidy your house, it can't be nice living with it in that state all the time."
I have found that it is sometimes a case that you get on with someone a lot better when you don't live with them. They can't make snide comments that to them don't really mean what they say they do, but to you, cut like a knife.
I think it's almost a pack instinct thing from when we lived in caves, but when she is in your house and sees how well you are getting on and how happy you are then she will give you a little bit more credit.
Also, on the friend front, they are always good to have, just don't see them all the time and pick someone with a bit of depth and an interesting life so they'll have new news to tell you every time you see them.
Good Luck!! xx
|
