A
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anonymous
writes:I live with a wife that is abusing me, just few hours ago she told me that I am usless............ I should leave right?not so easy, I have a five year old daughter, who I had to leave a highflying career (and I mean it) just to look after her and her mother. The wife/mother developed a severe postnatal depression, and I mean severe...... I also found out that she was depressed before we got married.Still leave? but I feel sorry for her she has no one in Australia..... What about my daughter, doesn't she need a mother........ be it a nut one, its better than nothing, and who knows, would I get custody, or some crasy judge would say that the nut is not a nut........ I could never live with myself if my little girl ended up away from me.any ideas?
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (16 March 2007):
 If she's depressed then she goes to the doctor for treatment or to a counsellor to talk about it, they will decide the best way to handle her depression. When depression takes hold people say a lot of things they don't really mean. It can become so overwhelming for them and they just don't know how to control it so she needs to be seen by a professional first and foremost!
Then you need to have a deep think. Do you love her enough to stay with her and try and help her through this? You could leave and file for custody of your daughter saying she's an unfit mother. Your daughter could have a nanny and you could take up your high flying career again. She'd still be able to see her mom on occasions but she'd be in a much more stable environment. I'm sure she sees her mom acting the way she does and hears the fights and the derogatory words thrown back and forth from both of you, all of this will be filed away in her memory and could lead to problems for her in the future if this situation isn't dealt with.
Have a good think about it, would you and your daughter be better off somewhere else or do you still love your wife and think you could make some time and help her through this? If you do decide to leave, don't feel guilty, we all have our breaking points, you need to do what you think is best for yourself and your daughter! Your wife will have friends or even go back home to BE with her family so please don't make excuses for her. Nothing is impossible!
Eve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): If you went once or twice or only for a month...yah it wouldn't.
You don't go to counselling to change the other person, you go to change yourself.
Now go back again and STICK WITH IT FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS.
Even if wife opts out...you still go, get the skills, strength, and insight to better yourself and home.
Daughter will need it as she is caught in the middle so again...GET COUNSELLING ASAP.
It is in your hands to change.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): I don't know what else is going on with you and your wife, but all couples fight and say mean things. Its not 'abuse' its wrong, but really the word 'abuse' is used these days by everyone who wants justify divorce. I am not saying no such thing exists as verbal abuse, its just that everyone fights and everyone says mean things, sometimes cusses, sometimes calls someone they love a name.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncouncilling did not work.................
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): Hey, don't call the mother of your child a nut. This negative, hurtful, abusive attitude will be transmitted to child and child will take it as...I'm a nutter too, Daddy doesn't like me either because daughter...is a part of Mommy too and if Daddy doesn't like Mommy, love Mommy...he doesn't love me. Yes, children do this. They still believe they are invincible at this tender age so with this...they have this need to take on the responsibility and burdens...they want to fix things.
Get counselling ASAP for wife,yourself and daughter.
This is the BEST avenue and will bring good, effective, healthy results.
Start making your family and home healthy ...it's going to take time but you still have time to teach daughter this isn't her fault and to show her how to problem solve and not runaway, run out.
Best Wishes.
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