A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody. I seem to have problem, a problem I want to try and fix desparately.why don't women like me or at least why don't the girls who I like like me back? I'm pretty normal, I'm good looking I'm not nerdy or anything, I'm relatively sociable, I'm know, so what's wrong? I have a friend she's my best friend. I don't like her or anything like that but people are always telling us to hook up, the thing is I would get with her because she's a great person but the problem is she wouldn't want to hook up with me. Now of course she doesn't say it to my face, she says everything I want to hear like "you're a great guy". Or "I wouldn't want to hurt the friendship" followed buy the infamous "but". Its not that she doesn't want to be my gf that bothers me because that's fine she doesn't have to, I don't have some secret crush or anything its that I feel like I'm not good enough for her.Isnt the point of meeting a girl to get to know them and they get to know you. So if this girl knows me inside out but gives me the impression that I'm still not good enough although I'm not trying to be her boyfriend (not anymore at least) what's the point? I feel so frustrated.Girls always make me feel like crap. They say they want a guy like this and a guy like that, but they lie, they always lie but I'm the guy they go to when they what a shoulder to cry on. I know I don't like other guys. I'm very different. Where I live it seems every guy I know WANTS to cheat on their girlfriend, no matter how great she is and some even say they love her.Am I really the only guy on earth who doesn't want to cheat on his gf well if I had on at least.I feel.so out of place that I'm even trying to develop the urge to want to cheat.its gotten so bad that I've developed hateful feelings towards women. I really don't want to but its more like a dr jykle and mr hyde thing. sometimes I'm ok sometimes I'm pissed. I think I might be gay but I'm not sure if my feels are genuine or if I feel this way because of I'm starting to hate women. I really don't want to hate women but its like I can't help it, I've been hurt and I don't know what to do. I didn't mean to ramble on, as you can see I'm one big problem! Help me please.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): You need to keep respecting women. You can't do that if you have gotten too bitter and angry at them. If you continue to be a Nice Guy then you will continue to finish last. You will end up bitter and woman-hating.
If you want to sleep with girls then just look at what kinds of guys they sleep with. Nothing else they say means anything compared to that. Their words mean nothing, their actions mean everything.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): It's not "women" that don't like you. It's the few women you've met. And, you know what? They probably don't like you because you blame them for your problems. What's the deal with thinking a girl who is your friend also needs to want your body? Isn't that a little sexist? Sounds to me like she wants your respect and you don't want to give it. The whole "not good enough" thing isn't something a woman can give you. You have to give yourself confidence. Women don't HAVE to know what they want in a man. They're not lying. It's a learning process- they'll figure it out eventually. And you don't HAVE to let them cry on your shoulder. It's perfectly ok to tell them that they chose a jerk. No. You definitely can't develop the urge to cheat just to fit in. Then you DEFINITELY won't get the girl of your dreams. Basically, grow up and find the right woman for you. (Calling them girls isn't going to help). She's out there, so stop whining and go find her.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (18 December 2011):
 You have been in the friend zone for too long and maybe you are trying to be a friend first. Time to step out of the friend zone and start seeing yourself as worthy of more than the reliable good guy with big shoulders.
First off visit the hairdresser. perhaps your hair cut is not doing you any favors. Then set aside some funds to revamp you wardrobe, don't go overboard but at least one casual outfit that is appropriate and smart and maybe a slightly more dressy pair of slacks and a jacket that fits well. As the salesperson to help. Or ask a guy you know who dresses smartly what might be good buys and where to go to get the gear.
Visit the gym and work on toning up those abs and feeling super fit. A fit guys will turn heads. Girls Love a fit guy. And all your clothes look extra good on an extra fit body. It tells a woman you have good self esteem and that you care about looking after you.
Cleanliness is the most essential so although it goes without saying that you shower every day and wash your hair regularly, do start using a nice Men's aftershave. A nice one (not too much and not overpowering) can melt a girl, if it is the right after shave. Clean your teeth twice a day - bad breath will kill a potential relationship off in seconds. Ask your (shoulder to cry on) girl friends if you have any hint of bad breath and if so get thee to a dentist.
Don't live in trainers. They look too casual for 100% use. real shoes? Clean them regularly. Because shoes are important to woman - real shoes - not the trainers.
You have given so many girls so much support as a platonic friend, invite them all over to have a look at your existing wardrobe for what stays and what goes.
Ask them for flirting tips that work and how to ask a girl on a date. Even get them to allow you to practise with YOUR time then the least they can do is return the favor and give you some help on how to ask a girl out.
I you are really lucky one of them may have liked you for ages and may even end up wanting to ask you out.
You have give them so much of your time. Maybe they stopped seeing you as a guy who really wants to date women.
They will have plenty to say about the flirting that works and the flirting that does not.
They are all friends so announce to them that you are "ön the market" just in case they want to be on the look out for a likely girl who they think might suit you.
And since nothing you have done so far has resulted in a "date" tell them that telling you to "be yourself" is useless and has not worked for you up until now. That is why you need their help.
No matter what work you do make sure your hands and nails are clean clean clean.
And when you do arrange a date - arrive on time and dressed appropriately for that date. Keeping a woman is not smart.
Find nice and sincere things to say about her. Put her at her ease. You would not have asked her out if you did not find her attractive, but notice some nice things to say about her or what she is wearing. If you can't say something nice then leave it unsaid. But if her hair smells and looks good lean closer and inhale approeciately and let her know that she smells good and her hair looks good. Don't go on and on about it. But a few sincere compliments are appreciated. And notice what makes her face light up. You will get to know what she appreciates by watching her face and her body language. Girls love to be appreciated.
I believe you already would have listening skills - otherwise you would not have so many girls as friends. That is an awesome skill. But also make sure you have some things you can say about you that are positive. Or some ideas on topics - such as what is happening in your community, state and beyond that. ensure you have some passions that you enjoy talking about - hobbies - things you like going to, places you love.
When you are talking together show absolute interest in her. There is NO one as important as her in the room. Hold her gaze. Smile with your eyes.
Your body language tells her if you are finding her interesting or not. She will pick that up. So if you are interested make sure you smile, angle your shoulders toward her, present yourself well. If you need to practise good body language in your mirror at home, then do it.
If you only listen to her you run the risk of only being a friend and not interesting her into how interesting YOU are. Take control of the conversation and steer it into directions you want it to go. Allow her to Talk A LOT, but still gently keep the hand on the tiller and steer her in the direction you want, even if she is the one doing all the talking. You will learn SO much about her if you control the conversation but allow her to think she is the one in charge.
Be a gentleman at all times. Find out things she loves, what she really likes, things she likes to do. Do not be a 100% servant. But be aware of what is of importance to her. And be respectful of what she does not want to talk about.
Be respectful to anyone you deal with. Even if you are a knight in shining armour to her and then rude to the clerk at the store she will notice that and see that inconsistency - that is a date ENDER. She will judge you by your most base behavior not your best behavior.
If you are out with her eat in a way that does not look like a man who has not eaten for a week.
And keep in mind some other potential dates for the future. Find out what she loves doing. Ask her about places she loves to go and events she has really enjoyed in the past. You will discover so much about her with some judicious questions occasionally.
Find subtle opportunities to touch (Not grope) her early on in the relationship - a touch of the hand, a kiss on the forehead, a hand on her back. Early flirting early in the relationship should not be too pushy.
Be real at all times.
Be honest with her (tactfully)
Don't make her wait for a call from you to make her keen (it does not work)
If you say you will call her then not only call her, but propose another date and the time and place for same.
Never be afraid to tell her your passions and what things you love. Girls meet "too cool to date" guys every day - but those guys are boring. It is very attractive to find that a guy is genuinely passionate with a vengance about a topic. It suggests that the guy may be passionate in bed, without him needing to say a thing about that (because he should not at the early stage of first dates.
Try to practise being as positive and confident as possible as it is a turn on. Negative and Defeated will only get the girls who want to "mother" you and not date you.
when you find a girl you really like, then do not take too long before you also introduce her too your friends (the big compliment to her) and then to your family (the ultimate compliment - that tells her you are serious.)
Dating is not always easy. If it was too easy there would be no challenge in it. You may have to ask out several girls before you get one to agree to go out with you. AND yes you will need to date a number of girls before all the bells and whistles start ringing and you come to know that this one is really special. It is a numbers game. You may not have total success with the first girl you date. But keep trying and you will eventually find "the one"
Some things that are not required if you want to date are:
Do not be jealous of who she has already dated in the past - in fact Do NOT ask this question. It is irrelevant
Same with your past history dating - it is irrelevant.
Do not be Judgemental - it is turn off.
Be open, real, relaxed and allow yourself to have fun.
It is also not a bad idea to write out your list of the qualities you would most enjoy in a woman. Her values, her attitudes, not the color of her hair etc. but her character. How she treats her family and friends. How truly geniuine she is. how truly real she is from your perspecitive.
and write out a list of your ten best points and five things you need to work on about you. And keep working on those issues. Know your worth. Know where you want to be in 5 years and 10 years. Girls love to know you have some ambition and a plan to get there.
You do deserve Happiness with a girl.
Especially as you are a really genuine GOOD guy. The sort of guy who woman want to settle down with.
A good woman will recognise you when she sees all your good qualities unfold before her eyes.
Remember the more you date the more confident you will become with women. And never never ever give up. That special woman who is "the one" is out there waiting for you. if you have not found her after 12 months dating in your neck of the woods then book a holiday and travel away to a place you have never visited and see what else is possible - such as a holiday romance.
But never never give up. Because your Lady is out there.
Best wishes
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