A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HI,Sorry if this seems long now by some chance,but i really need advice!So Basically,There are these two guys which i like,but the problem is that they are both cousins. The thing is like i like one of the guys because he is gorgeous, extremely hot, love his eyes, smart, a very nice person,loves boxing etc,but the only thing is that he is shy and doesnt have much time becuase of training.While the other thing i like about his cousin is that he knows how to have fun and he has time.The first guy i mentioned, well i dont know what to do so i can know if he likes me for sure? Because he is shy,but he give me the looks as in like stares at me even when i dotn see,my friends tell me. And his texts are like flirty. But then last few days we didnt talk that much.And with this other one i talk more often,and he has some moments when he really flirts with me,like i actually do know he likes me.And also the problem is like this i like the guy i first mentioned but im not sure if he likes me for sure,not sure how to know? But while im out,and when im actually drunk etc, then i think o f the other guy.And i dont want to get with both,because they are cousins and then i would lose both of them!Any advice? Please help me,ike i really dont know what to do.Thank you!xxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Agneta  +, writes (8 December 2012):
 From your actual question, I don't necessarily get the impression that these guys are YOUR cousins as well, even though it says so in the headline. If you all are, then my reply is along the same line as Karlos5021. But it seems like you are not, so. How long have you known them? If not too long you might need some more time only, don't be so impatient. Talk to both of them in a friendly way as often as you can, not overly flirty, and when you know them better you will know which one of them you really like more.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2012): I wouldn't want to be the one seen as a disgrace by people, more importantly, my family through dating any of my own cousins.
Sorry this doesn't answer your question, but its something that needs considering.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (8 December 2012):
 One of the most reliable rules I have seen evidence of is that if you cannot decide on which person is the right one then neither is the right one.
Because if you had met the ONE then you would not even notice that anyone else existed. The ONE would be your sole focus.
Emotion alone is not a good guide to choosing a guy. The level of the crush you are experiencing is not a good guide either.
And just because a guy flirts with you does not mean you are required to act on that. Some guys just love flexing their flirting muscles with every girl they meet.
Basing your feelings on how you feel when you are drunk is not a really reliable guide to which guy you should choose.
Look outside the family and widen your circle of friends and you may have more success at identifying the ONE when you meet the ONE.
The other thing that can really help you identify the ONE when you do finally meet is to first develop your "list".
This list is not about looks or the more obvious things.
It is about who you are and what you need in a partner.
So if you were to see my "list" you would see that I like a guy who is "respected by his peers" because if the people who have known him all his life don't respect and don't like what they have experienced with him then maybe that is who he really is. Not the "nice" presentation that he likes to show to new people who meet him.
I does not mean I cannot make up my own mind, because I can. But I found it a generally reliable way to sort out the kind of genuine likeable honourable guy versus the opposite.
Your own list should be honest about things that you could not endure or would not like to suffer.
So my list would include that I could not endure and out of control gambler nor an alcoholic, nor an abusive partner.
That is because of what I put up with as a child. My attitude is that I have endured enough of those things.
Things I would like and were on my "list" were a person who was good with people and enjoyed conversation. Because I feel good around people like that.
So if you do a SWOT analysis of what you need and what you offer (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats)
you will be in a much better position to recognise then ONE when you do finally meet the ONE.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2012): hmmmu r attracted to the 1st one by his looks... but u seem to have good time with the 2nd one .... may be u like the 2nd one more ...
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