A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love to travel and see the world. I love experiencing different cultures and tasting different foods. I'm not a fan of designer luxury products, I just like to travel.My boyfriend doesn't like traveling or seeing the world. He can eat McDonalds for breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday because it's convenient. However, he will spend all his money on designer luxury products.This was never an issue for the past three years because we were long distance. I didn't travel for three years as I used up all my time off from work to travel to visit my boyfriend. During the three long distance years, we took several road trips and tried new restaurants. That was why I didn't see an issue.Now that we live together, I see an issue here. If I don't cook, we will go to the closest fast food chain. I don't have anything against fast food, but cannot eat it too often as I feel it's bad for my health. I've suggested taking a trip to Europe or Asia but he refuses to go. Now I'm seeing a total difference in our personalities. I don't think this is such a serious issue that we should break up, but how do we compromise on this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2018): Fast food is disgusting and you need to help him kick that habit! This isn't being a controlling girlfriend, it's his HEALTH.
Has he even tried travel? Did he have a bad experience that made him want to eschew travel forever? When I was a kid, all my experiences with travel were the lame trips we took to the crappiest parts of Florida (my home state has so many cool things to offer) to attend Dad's business meetings... OR we'd go to my aunt's house in North Carolina and just camp out in her basement (I mean, they have mountains! They have cool things to see even though I wouldn't want to live in NC, there's a lot to do in the Summer on a vacation!)... her BASEMENT and never left the house until it was time to go home. So lame. I HATED it. Then I grew up and got bit by the study abroad bug and realized that I was NOT cut out to be a "homebody." Studying abroad in Cuernavaca, Mexico, was an absolute dream come true, I went on trips to beautiful places like Ixtapa, rode a horse on the beach under the stars, explored the sun and moon pyramid, learned to love crickets in tacos and met life long friends in Mexico. Then I went to Spain and the whole experience made my heart jump. I love flamenco, I love tapas, I love soccer and I love adventures. The more I travel, the more I love it. I have maps wall to wall in my room, I spend all my disposable money on trips and I look at pictures of foreign cities the way a sex deprived pervert looks at porn. You get my point right?
A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (24 March 2018):
 You both survived a long term relationship intact. That's amazing, kudos to you.
Just talk it out with him, I'm sure you can get to a compromise. Have him save a little on the side for travel.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2018): Thanks Code Warrior. I love cruises too, especially to the European countries. I tried convincing my boyfriend to take a local 3 day Mexico cruise just to get a feel of it.. he refused saying he gets seasick. Which he actually did get seasick when we took a ferry in New York. But I assured him that on a cruise, the boat is huge and he will not get motion sickness / seasick.
I'm working with him.. baby steps, and just one new place per year. I'm trying to get him to eat healthier too.. but he goes to the gym and once done, he's hungry.. so he goes to the nearest fast food chain.. lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2018): [EDIT]:
"That's not really up to you to decide."
"Just be careful with your finances, my dear."
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2018): When I want to do things my boyfriend doesn't like to do, I do it with a friend or alone. You can't force people to do things they don't like to do. Eating fast-food too often IS bad for your health; and I'm sure he's gaining weight from constantly eating that garbage.
Even if it doesn't show on the outside, it's killing him from the inside. His youthful metabolism may burn the calories quickly; but the salt, sugars, fats, and empty calories are doing a number on his innards. You'll see the results when he hits his 30's! If you stick around! I've read your post, and can hear the clock ticking! You've set the alarm, and maybe time is running-out for poor boyfriend!
People who don't compromise on little things will not compromise on more important things. They see life in only one perspective. Theirs! You're adventurous, cultural, and outgoing. He's a fast-food junky and high-end consumer. He finds pleasure in buying what he considers cool things, and derives his pleasures from pricey items. You'd rather lunch at a quaint street cafe in the plaza, on a sunny day in Madrid. You can't really criticize him for spending. Decent travel isn't cheap!
Girlfriend, can we talk?!! Just kidding!
He has a right to spend his money anyway he pleases. That's not really up to you decide. As for travel, some people don't like venturing further than their own backyard. They hate airports, long flights, and are closed-minded about other cultures. If he likes fast-food, he has a very simplistic palate; and you're trying to force culture and adventure down the throat of a very simple everyday-guy.
I say this is a matter of incompatibility in some respects. If this is the only area you guys don't match; I guess you're doing well. He doesn't like to travel. These days, the airlines make travel a sh*tstorm. You're cramped, and people with screaming kids and a traveling-circus of pets with phony certificates for service-animals turn travel into hell. Maybe your boyfriend is just a dud, and no fun.
Well, you've met the magical 3-5 year period in your relationship. That's when the relationship either progresses and evolves; or hits a rut, and spirals downward in a fiery tailspin. The complacency and domestication is stifling.
It sounds like you've outgrown your boyfriend. You actually see the differences in your personalities. So, by self-admission you're considering handing him his walking-papers. I don't think you needed advice, just a place to vent.
You're supposed to grow together. Compromise is essential and necessary to maintain a healthy relationship. When you have a partner who refuses to compromise and decides to be totally stubborn. Then you weight your pros and cons as to whether boyfriend stays or goes. He's not a husband, he's a boyfriend. That makes him more easily replaceable.
Maybe it's time for some independence and being your own woman. Fly solo and enjoy some international-travel and romance. Just be careful with your fiances, my dear. You have to have savings and a rainy-day fund. If you're not an heiress or don't live on a trust-fund, you have to be sensible about the finances. You can't point fingers at him, while doing worse.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 March 2018):
 I agree with N91,
If he wasn't a big fan of it in the first place (traveling and seeing the World) he isn't going to be one because YOU like it or want it.
As for the fast food, for that that would be a no-go. I would NOT eat that crap on a daily basis. I east fast food maybe... 1-2 times a year. MY husband though... he loves the stuff. If we are out and about and he gets hungry he will eat anything. I don't. Even if I'm hungry. My body simply can't process it and I end up feeling sick or getting the runs from fast-food - so why bother with it?!
I think you should have a conversation with him about why he doesn't want to travel. And I also think you NEED to rethink this guy as a long term match. Because you WILL resent him if you stay with him and never get to travel. and you WILL regret not going for your dreams (like travelling). NOW is the time to do it. Before having kids. trust me on that one. You CAN travel with kids but it is SOO much easier without.
Why can't HE cook every now and then?
You have to have these conversation with him. Not us.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2018): I'm the OP here. Thanks for your reply N91!Currently, our only 'issue' is this, as we are discussing summer vacation plans. He stated he prefers to buy a new sports car rather than travel. I stated I had gone anywhere for three years due to our long distance relationship. I don't think it's a matter of him not liking to travel, because he honestly has never left his hometown, aside from coming to visit me when we were LDR. He seemed to enjoy his visits to my hometown and enjoyed taking road trips with me and tasting various foods with me. I feel he will enjoy the travel and vacation outside of the USA if he tried it... thing is to get him to go!I don't monitor his spendings.. he buys what he wants and I'm sure if he can't afford it, he won't buy it. I'm also not expecting him to travel with me all the time, just one trip per year.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (23 March 2018):
 I don't think there is to be honest, you both have completely different things you want out of life.
I think at your age its very rare that people change how they act and what they want to do. You've been around for 26years(+) and you like what you like, you have a comfort zone and you begin to get set in your ways doing what you want.
I have never been interested in travelling and I wouldn't wake up one day and decide that is what I want to do with my life, I'd say the same goes for your BF, therefore if that's all you want to do, the topic is more than likely going to be brought up more than once and eventually he's going to get annoyed with it and I think there's going to be a time where some kind of discussion comes up considering your compatibility.
Does it bother you that your BF spends lots of money on expensive items? Can he easily afford it or is he doing it to give off a lavish impression of himself whilst making it difficult for himself to make ends meet in other areas?
Is there going to be a time come when you haven't done all you want to do and seen all you want to see because you haven't been able to go because of your BF? Because I can say that's a sure fire way to build resentment for someone having the feeling that they've held you back from wanting to go out there and achieve things.
I think you need to sit down and have a think about the whole situation as personally, I DO believe it's a big enough thing to break up over. It's more the principle that you're just not as compatible as you first thought because you're now closer together you're seeing in front of your eyes what he's actually like rather than just seeing brief snippets of the limited time you used to be able to spend together.
What is the rest of your relationship like? Does he satisfy you in other areas?
Why doesn't he want to go? Have you actually asked him? I think the only way you're going to have any chance of convincing him is sitting him down and explaining to him that this is a big deal for you and if he's not interested then you're going to have to do a lot of these things on your own or with friends and I'm pretty damn sure you could meet another guy out there who would be more than happy to join you on your adventures. Don't just stick with someone for the sake of it because you've been with them for 3 years. It's a big world out there and I'm sure there's someone out there for you who has more matched interests to your own.
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