A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi i wrote up on 6th April this year and posted the question which i have written below, I don't mean to annoy anyone on here but it got no answers and i really really need your help, i hope none of you take this the wrong way with me posting it again i'm just really worried all this is getting out of hand and taking over my life anyway here is the question that i asked.Thanks.Hey, i really need your help here. I wrote up just before christmas i think the title of my question was "i don't want to think about her like i do becuase i don't want to be bi". Anyway i have come to realise i'm not gay or bisexual but i still am really really confused. The teacher i was on about taught be a junior school and we never really spoke,she never taught me for alot of things but was on of the teachers in my year group. This isn't like my last post where i thought i had feelings for her and didn't want to but i would like someones opion on al this. I've felt the same way for about 5-6 years but obviously as i've got older i've started to understand about these things which sorta got me confused on how i feel. WEll i sort of feel as if i love her but not in a sexual way just like you would your friends which i find really weird because everytime i walk past her ir see her i get really uncomfortable and her general smell is just something to die for, its really nice which is really weird because although i may feel this way about her i also hate her-well i say hate her i hate the side i saw when i was at that school, although she was funny and friendly to certain people she was also very mouthy and was just one of those people you loved to hate. When i went back to that school when i was on work experience i saw her again but didn't look her in the face(i don't really do that anyway i suppose thats one reason i feel uncomfortable being anywhere near her incase she recognises me-i even feel weird about walking to the shop on the estate near me because i know she lives around there,from the fear of seeing her) but i found out that she had got divorced, i also found out that another teacher had and obviously alot had changed since i was there but the thing wad i couldn't care less about the other teachers but it seemed to hit me abit when i realised she had-abit like i was worried about her inside but not worried as you would be if it was an actual friend or relation. I didn't feel anything for her just the sort of feeling you would feel if you found out a long term friend had got divorced. I don't really know why i feel like this as i can't stop thinking about her, i'm find if i'm with others but i'm always thinking about her when i'm on my own. I do love her but only as you would a friend apart from the fact we never really spoke so i'm just so confused. I don't want these feelings to take over my life but i feel like it is but on the other hand i don't want to forget her. I don''t know what these feelings are tell me? It's like i can't get her out of my head but then again i can't bare to be near her. Is this normal and do you think it will pass cuz i thought it would 3 yrs ago but it hasn't? Help please.
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female
reader, Sunset0000 +, writes (8 May 2007):
HiI can't say exactly why you might feel like this but if perhaps things with your provate life at home weren't so good and this teacher was someone you looked up to this might be why you have these feelings. Somtimes, especially when younger, you can get quite obsessive about a person who you might see quite a lot and who is kind of a stable thing in your life. For example, although he was the opposite sex to me, I really 'fell for' my history teacher at secondary school. For many years it went on and I still hold some affection for him now when I think of him but it was I think more because I was having a hard time at home. He was funny, intelligent and just an all round nice guy and I suppose I really looked up to him. He gave me 10/10 in history essays and this made me feel 'wanted' at the time. My parents were going through a difficult time together and it was effecting me a lot so I guess I just needed someone. Nothing happened but it did get quite out of hand on my part. Later on I also felt a lot of affection for another male teacher, because I confided to him about things at home and felt he understood and was maybe the only person who did. In the end I also ended up chatting to a female teacher alot and at times was shy around her but also looked up to her and thought about her, I guess cos she was helping me and I needed people to understand what I was going through. So what I'm saying is, if there were any troubles in your life at the time this could be why. But sometimes people just get attached to people who are around them alot, teachers are often the subject of this attachment because they influence us alot. Don't worry about your feelings. You need to forget about them because obviously they are unhelpful to you but as I say, it can be normal to feel this way for someone, doesn't mean you are bisexual and doesn't mean you love her. Sorry I can't explain it much better than this but hope it helps a little.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): Sorry, I didn't really understand your question (my mother-toung is not English and your question is very long. Please try to short it and post it again in two days. For shorter question your chance for an answer would be much better!). But I would like to help you and so I try to explane you what I learnt about falling in love and real love. Falling in love just happens to you. You can't really controll it yourselfe. It is like beeing on drugs. The hormones in your body tell you what to do and are reigning your feelings. You can compare it with beeing drunk. The alcohol in your body makes you happy and you can forget your problems.
Real love is different. It is the decision to want the best for someone and to make this person happy. The feelings are different to the feelings of falling in love, and you don't allways feel anything. But the cheerful feelings will come back again. This is not the case with falling in love. This feelings you will only have a few month ore years, but they will not come back in the same form.
But also because you had this feelings for such a long time, it is probably not real love, because you don't know her and you never spoke to her. If you really love someone, you love this person with everything this person is, thinks, does, feels, acts, and so on.
This is probalbly not the answer you expected, but I hope you will learn something. I just would like to tell you: Don't let your feelings dominate your live and mind. Use your brain. And what else I would like to tell you: Get professional help. Go to see a psychologist or a minister (ask at your loka churche. Lots of churches help you in life problems without asking for mony, if that would be a problem for you!). Go to see someone professional how really can help you.
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