A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have met a lovely guy through a dating website. We have been involved for about 6 weeks. Being in contact every day and meeting up over the weekends. This weekend we spent the whole weekend together and we have a sexual relationship. He is investing a lot of time and effort in me. He is not very rich, yet buys me really thoughtful presents, takes me out to restaurants and says that he really likes me a lot. Everytime we see each other, he talks about meeting up again. He said that he mentioned seeing me to members of his family and people he works with. I haven't told many people about him yet, since it is early days. What bothers me is that I have taken my own profile off the website, because I don't feel like communicating with other people when I am seeing this guy. He on the other hand is still on the website and I notice that he logs in every few days or so... I find this strange, since it seems like he also wants to have a relationship with me by the way he talks. I haven't mentioned to him that I know he logs on, just feel a bit hurt and confused by it? Hope you can give some advice? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Wildcat67 +, writes (10 May 2013):
I been dating a guy for 4 months. Filled me head with I love you all the time. WWanted to live with me forever blah blah. I knewhhewas sstill on the dating site we met from the beginning. Last week he openly admitted it to me. His words were "what can I do if a woman contacts me I can't help it". Nice eh? If there's one thing I can't stand it's when another person purposefully makes another person jealous. It's a big sign of a very mean character. He also told me nearer the beginning how some woman had been eyeing him up on the train and when she got off she beckoned to him to join her. Do I wanna hear about this? No I do not. I finished the story with him yesterday. I will find someone who appreciates my though I've been alone forever. I've had enough now of giving my heart out and getting hurt. I am a confident person and I know we all chat to members of opposite sex but as other member said it's the keeping your options open for something else, something better. There's also such a thing as respecting others. I dunno I've lost the plot with it all. I'm just not going to care about anyone anymore apart from my kids. Me and them are no. 1. Respect yourself and find someone who can prove they deserve you!
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (2 March 2010):
 I would say be careful.
There are a lot of guys who go on dating sites and they like to "browse". You have been "dating" for 6 weeks, which really isnt a long period of time, and you don't know how many other women he approached, or has been talking to. Remember, the whole point of dating sites is to connect with and date lots of people, in order to find someone you click with. The sad thing about these sites is that they push home the message you need to date multiple people at once. This is the era of "try before you buy" which I personally find heartbreaking. What happened to good old courtship? It now all seems to be about dating one person, whilst keeping a sneaky eye open for something which could be (but may not be) better.
You have already made the choice that you want to try and make something work with him, but he may still be of the mindset, that something better could come along tomorrow. He may even be seeing other women at the same time as he is seeing you. I know its tough, and something you dont want to hear.
A friend of mine briefly went on a dating site, she met a really nice guy, they clicked, went out on lots of dates for 4 months. He fed her lots of lines about not being ready to commit to a relationship as he was still hurting from the previous one blah blah blah. She even helped him pick out curtains and carpets (!). He said that he really could see something between them and that kept her sweet. Anyway, she dumped him in the end because after 4 months he still was accessing the dating site, and was activly contacting other women. He was actually inviting other women back to his flat (the one she helped decorate) and drove 2 hours to see another one. Obviously she was pretty cut up about it, and confronted him, and he basically said, that they were not "serious" and were not officially dating! So he could do whatever he wanted.
These dating sites just encourage the ideal that there could be something better waiting. So, do you settle for the one you like right now, or hang on to find someone who may tick more boxes? I mean, how many men did you disregard before you picked him? How many men approached you and you thought "hell no!" Maybe he is hedging his bets? Perhaps everytime he gets a message from the site he has to check it to see..just in case? Its the "what if" syndrome. What if the girl of his dreams contacts him tomorrow? What if?
I really hope things work out for you, but I think 6 weeks maybe too soon to expect total commitment.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 March 2010):
If you're not exclusive, then he won't stop. So suggest to him about going exclusive and see what happens. Until this is an exclusive relationship, he won't take his name down.
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