A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met this man when he was married about nine years ago. Without any thought he and I began a passionate extra-marital affair that continued off and on for about a year or so. He got divorced and began seeing someone else. I was crushed because I fell in love and he didn't. A week later after the last time I saw him I was sexual with a previous partner and became pregnant. Since I had done such an awful thing and slept with two different guys within days of each other I didn't know who was the father. I notified both of them because I thought it was the right thing to do. As it turns out the man who was married was NOT the father and I had a friend notify him. I never heard from him again until about 6 weeks ago in October 2008. He contacted me on one of the social networking sites and asked me if I wanted to open a dialogue. I didn't respond to him for a week. I was living with someone and that situation was going terribly wrong so he moved out. Then I decided to contact him. When I did he was Johnny on the spot with responding and quickly asked if he could see me after getting past the small talk. He said he wanted to apologize for the way he treated me in the past and that he was wrong for how he handled the 'pregnant situation.' I accepted his apology and left the restaurant unaffected by him. Then he began to email me and call me on almost a daily basis. I responded and the next thing we know we were going out. We became physical instantly and it is just as strong now as it was then but better. We didn't even think twice and the next thing we knew we were seeing each other at least twice a week and staying in contact daily. Then about a week ago I decide things are moving too quickly and sit down for a chat with him. He tells me that he is frightenly attracted to me but scared to death to be in a committed relationship with me because of the past. I understood because I was feeling the same way. We then came to an agreement that we would date, non-exclusively and see where things go. I was fine with that because I don't want an exclusive relationship right now and neither does he since he hasn't been divorced very long. After this talk we have sex and I went home. The next day I emailed him to let him know that I forgot to get a movie he was going to lend to me. He said I could swing by and pick up that night. So, I did and we just hung out and talked but I could sense something was not right with him. It was almost like he didn't want me there. He asked me if I was staying and I said yes but I need some clothes in which to sleep. He gave me the clothes and we snuggled into bed and he was holding me when suddenly I freaked out and had to leave. I got dressed told him I was leaving and was gone. He asked if I was okay and I lied at the time and said yes and left even though he tried to keep me there. The next day, Thanksgiving I called to talk to him about it and left him a voicemail and he didn't call back. I sent him a text on that Saturday and he called me back and said that he didn't get any notification of any voicemails. This had happened before so I wasn't to suspicious. He then tells me that he feels we should slow down on the physical and focus on getting to know one another to see if we could be in a relationship. I agreed and had decided to turn the sex off. He called me on Wednesday to chat and we made plans for this weekend. I called to confirm on Friday and he said that we could get together around dinner time. I said fine. He calls the next day and cancels are date stating that something doesn't feel right about this and he doesn't know what that is and it is not fair for him to spend time with me and cheat me when he is feeling uncomfortable about things.. I said okay, I will bring your movie back to you and I guess that will be it. He said 'Would you consider a grace period'.? What does that mean? So I went to his house to give him the movie and talk to him about it. He said that something doesn't feel right and that when he sorts it out he will let me know. He said that he doesn't want a FWB and I don't either and we agreed that was not what was happening here. He asked me what I wanted and I said that I would hear him out but I am not going to wait for a month or something like that. He said that he was confused and needed to figure out why. I must say that I am confused too. I told him that I am going to date around because he is pushing me away but said I could feel free to contact him. WHAT?? A part of me wants to see what happens with this and a part of me feels like he is not at all serious about really wanting to get to know me. I am lost and don't know what to do. I like this guy but I am afraid that WE have severally screwed this up AGAIN.
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affair, crush, divorce, fell in love, moved out, period, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): Dear Poster
I am a little confused, can you please give me some clarity.
You mentioned:
"He got divorced and began seeing someone else. I was crushed because I fell in love and he didn't."
BUT then later in your posting you mention:
"I was fine with that because I don't want an exclusive relationship right now and neither does he since he hasn't been divorced very long".
How long has he been divorced? What happened to the other girl? When did he stop seeing her?
If he needs space, I suggest you allow him some time to sort himself out; but I do think you need to continue with your life; take it easy be careful and don't let history repeat itself. Give it some time before getting into bed with somebody else, but don't wait for him forever.
Bet wishes and lots of smiles.
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