A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there. So my question is a little weird. For starters, I'm 17 and I'm dating one of my classmates (we're just seeing each other, we're not official or anything yet). We go on dates and hang out a lot and it's all really fun and I really like and I'm sure he feels the same way. The only problem is he smells so bad. I honestly have never come across someone who smelled so horribly. I have a huge family, so I grew up with a bunch of guys all of whom are athletes. So I can handle the standard stench from guys because of sports and sweat. But this is something that I've never encountered before. It's a horrible, strong, lingering smell. It's recent though, he didn't smell this way when we met and his brother doesn't smell as rancid as he does. So I don't know what could be causing him to smell so bad. I really like him, but his new found smell really makes it hard to be around him. But I don't feel like I'm in the position to tell him that he stinks. As selfish as it sounds, if he's sensitive, it might back fire on me and and I could lose whatever potential we ever had for a relationship. I don't know what I should do. Suggestions? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): Tell him but try to be very subtle about it
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): If you don't say something, people will eventually start noticing the smell and talking about him behind his back. And it certainly wont make you attracted to him if he 'pongs'.
So grasp the nettle and say you've noticed an aroma recently and ask what it is. You don't have to be rude and call it a stench or anything unkind. Sniff his top or something and casually ask what the aroma is. If he is being lax in he personal hygiene a mere mention should prompt him to pull his socks up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): maybe around his birthday or something you should get him a " man kit " of old spices , deodarant , and body spray and say that you think he would like the scents so that he smells manly and if he questions you tell him that lately he's been smelling rancid and thought he would like a little help from his future :)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 September 2011):
 Maybe you should wait until you are in a position to mention it?
You know he didn't always smell like this, so you know he won't be destined to smell this way forever. At least we can hope not.
So if you want a relationship with him, try to get into one. Then, once you've become his girlfriend, or someone he can trust better and feel comfortable around, bring it up in the gentlest of ways.
Wait until you feel there's a strong connection between you two, so he will know you don't think badly of him. His reaction, like anyone else's I'll imagine, will be that he's humiliated himself in front of you, and that you think bad things of him. The reaction will be to withdraw and step away from the person out of shame. To avoid this you need to be a person he can trust, someone he knows will not ridicule him, someone he knows cares and will be by his side.
Be that person for him first, and then talk to him about it after.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (3 September 2011):
Look, you're NOT going to have a relationship if he smells so bad that you're not going to want to be close to him, so what do you have to loose. Be discrete and consider how me may HEAR the message. Be kind.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (3 September 2011):
 Forgot to edit out "he doesn't".
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (3 September 2011):
If you are classmates, enlist the help of your teacher or a guidance counsellor. They are responsible adults and they actually have an obligation to try to help a student who might run the risk of potentially being ostracized because of a minor hygiene problem like not he doesn't bathing and changing into fresh clothing everyday. Also, if there is an underlying health problem that might be causing excess sweat and odor, he might be too embarrassed disclosing this to a friend. Problem solved.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 September 2011):
 Here's a chance for you to be a REAL friend....Take this guy aside.... someplace, just the two of you, privately,... and tell him about what you wrote here. You could even print a copy of this submittal and hand it to him.....Tell him you like him, but that you're confused about the odor which now permeates him... then ASK HIM if he can understand how it comes about. There are plenty of reasons... including - but not limited to - poor hygiene, dental problems, and metabolic problems. It may be that HE doesn't detect the odor!!! (That's something that usually happens to older people!!!)...Let the conversation be as light as you can make it... AND, emphasize that, if YOU can smell him, then OTHERS can, as well..... and it is almost certain to cause him to become outcast in some form....It may be that he has a biological problem that will require REAL medical intervention....Good luck... for YOU and for HIM.... You "sound" like a good and concerned friend...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2011): Thats a hard one, if i smelled i probably wouldn't want a girl i liked to tell me but i would certainly want someone to. Maybe you could get one of his friends to tell him. But at the same time its not fair on you that he smells so bad, if someone doesn't tell him then you will have to.
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