A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hiya i just start going out with this guy 2 days ago, we went out a year ago but he ended it after just two days. we didnt talk for along time and then we became really close we chatted eveyday on the phone he would call me i would call him etc we flirt now and again but we both had a crush on two different people and when we went out two days ago he told his best friend he had feelings for me im scared he going to do what he did before i do have feelings for him but i dont want to get hurt again im scared. and he already told me he loves is he lying. and last night he start talking about sex which really scared me i need help, im only young im not ready this morning i rang him and told him i dont want sex he just wasnt the same he rang me and was okay with me and then goes you let e down ring me back when i have calmed down plz tell me what to do.
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best friend, crush, flirt, ready for sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): It's like this if he can't accept the fact that your not ready for sex he can't accept you. You shouldn't change who you are or what you believe in to please someone else there're just going to find somthing else wrong with you.
A
female
reader, Hollywood  +, writes (16 June 2007):
stay away from him, he has one thing on his mind. Dont give in, plus the longer you make them wait, the better!they stick around much longer lolmen love a challenge. so BE A CHALLENGE.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): Pretty adarn good advice by all these wonderful AUnts below. Just adding my 2 cents here. I cannot impress this upon you enough...Always keep using your head! Keep your sensibilities about you and learn to 'discern' whether a person is good for you by watching their behaviours. Feeling are just feelings, but you empower yourself when you take those feelings and toss in some rational thinking. Plainly, you are doing this. So lets recap: You met a guy you like and began dating him. He ended it 2 days later. (red flag) It likely hurt like hell. Now you are both talking again but you 'fear' he will dump you again. (red flag) I can't blame you..most females would be wary. He has told you he 'loves you' and is talking about sex which has scared you. (red flag) So you were honest and told him you were not ready for sex and now he isn't the same, anymore (red flag) and has said "you let me down?" (red flag) Bright red flags are awavin' all over the place here, dear. So what should you do with this guy who very, very boldly made it plain to you that he wants to 'use' you for sex, so he can have his own gratification. You dump him! He is not thinking of you..it's all about him and his orgasms. He will dump you after he gets what he wants, anyways. Guys that do this sort of thing..move on to other females quickly. Why not just do it for him, before he takes your dignity? If he cannot see that you can bring so much more to the table to than just your sexuality...he has the problem! He is a cad.
For him to have said 'you' let him down because you are refusing sex, tells you a lot about him as a person. The oldest trick in the book. This guy likely feels 'if she wants me, she'd better put out'. He's acting like he was 'entitled' to a having fun time. Your fears is your gut instincts kicking in, here and I think you know, he's not right for you. Listen to those niggling fears and little voices, telling you..beware! They are there for a reason. So keep using your head, hun and discern who is good for you. Yes, this guy is immature, which is common in your age group, but he also was very unecessarily rude and disrespectful to you. I know many young people in this age group, who have been taught manners and taught respect for others. So there is no excuse for this guys' bad behaviors. So when a boy talks to you in this way...do you really need this grief? Leave him in the dust and go find someone a lot nicer who is much more deserving of your attentions. And never tolerate anyone who makes you feel bad about 'turning down a romp'. It means you have brains and self-respect. He needs to work on developing some good character. Be strong and tell him 'thanks but no thanks-I will pass' Believe me, in about 6 months-a year's time when you develop more maturity and you look back on this--you will never, ever regret what you did. Take care, dear
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): Well i think then that he as just shown his true colours. What a 'scumbag', how dare he say 'you let me down' who the hell does he think he his, do yourself a favour and get away from him, he has no respect for you and i don't even think he cares for you, if he did then he wouldn't behave that way. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): Well, I would be careful, a young guy or any guy for that matter can behave "as if" they love you and even say those words in order to get you to have sex with them, and then just as quickly they lose interest....and I am sorry to say that most 16 year old boys have one thing on their mind...s e x....That said, if you want him to be your boyfriend, he will respect you more if you don't have sex with him even if he tells you otherwise....weird, huh...but it is true, you won't get hurt if you don't give in to the pressure to have sex at your young age....you will be disappointed if you do, and will live to regret it...You have many years ahead of you to become sexually active, and it is best to wait until you and your body are more mature, and hopefully you will be in a loving commited relationship when you do finally take the plunge...but for now I think you ought to enjoy being a kid without the responsibilities of sex and the worries of an unwanted pregnancy or STDs, and enjoy meeting many boys and girls and having lots of great friendships and doing the fun things that you get to do at this age without any adult responsibilities weighing on your mind....Be safe, have fun!
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A
female
reader, crazyclemens2005 +, writes (15 June 2007):
 i think that all guys want to do is get into somones pants..my oppinion from personal experiances..i think you should wait and if what he says is true he will wait as long as you think it is time...dont rush into things, and dont let him pressure you into it because you can get hurt worse than you did before. just go with it until you feel it is time and if he leaves you because you are not ready than hes not worth the trouble..be aware though because he will say and do anything to get what he wants..just follow you head and desifer what is true and what is not..i say head because your heart can be blinded from the things he says...
good luck hopfully things will work out
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Tell him that you aren't ready for sex. he should respect your wishes, and if he doesn't he isn't worth your time sweetie!
After only 4 days of dating in total he's told you he loves you?! hmmmmm...... Maybe he oisn't lying but he may be saying it as a way to get closer to you. Just be careful. A lot of young girls, me included in that, get duped by those 3 words.
If he claims you let him down because you don't want sex then tell him to sling his hook as that's peer pressure!
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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