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female
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*eilah
writes: Hi, I'm a very shy person and I haven't had any relation ship for a long time (a few years). Now I fell in love with a friend. I don't know if he understood that I like him that much. But yesterday during a party he tried to make a match between me and a friend of him. This is while he has started dating another girl and I'm miserable. I don't know how to act. I think maybe I should try to start something new with the other guy because it makes me crazy imagining my friend will be happy with this other girl and I will be unhappy watching them both being happy.Please help me. Thanks.
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (16 September 2006):
 Hello Leilah,
Well, since your friend is with someone else now and you don't know how to act, maybe some time away from him would help you be able to clear your mind and figure out what you should do. Or maybe even time away from him would help you get over the feelings you've built up for him, you know?
If you don't want to stop seeing your frind as much, then I suggest just acting like you always have with him - just as a friend. However, I think this will make it harder for you to get over your feelings.
As for the other guy, I think it would be a good idea to get to know him better. Maybe you'll find that you really do like him better. But if you still have feelings for your friend, then I wouldn't date this guy. (Plus you don't really want to 'use' someone, right? Because in my opinion, that's what you would be doing.) It will just make you end up confused - if you are dating but still have feelings for someone else. You might end up 'loving' the both of them, and that can be a really hard problem to deal with (there are lots of questions about that on here).
So my advice would be to distance yourself for a bit to get over the feelings, then try to get to know the other guy (or whoever else you might meet in the meantime). I also think you should hang out with your friends and get involved with something else, such as a hobby, so you don't keep thinking about your friend. It will just make you upset, don't you think?
Take care.
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