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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have ben dating my boyfriend for almost 7 years and have been engaged for almost 4 of them. But now I feel nothing more than friendship with him, and he's like a security balnket for me. How do I end it, because I'm going through the "How do I leave what is secure for the unknown" phase. He's a good man and does not run around or treat me badly, but he bores me to death, he's negative about most things and he's not decisive about anything, I have to make all of the decisions and I am responsible for all of the money, etc, Plus, I absolutely hate having sex with him. I always have, it's so boring I could write a script, and I have tried everything to spice it up, but he's a one position guy. I need to break up, but I don't know what to say or how to do it. HELP!
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (16 September 2006):
 I have been in your position but once I was out of that situation, I couldn't believe that I'd wasted so much time wondering what to do and how to do it: I just felt so free! If the time has come to move on, you have to do it fast, there's no point in wasting anymore time.
Just tell him: face to face or write a letter or something. Get your stuff and go. It's that easy. I know it can be hard, after so long but it has to be done. I was in your position and sometimes, the thing you know that is making your unhappy is better than a change and the unknown which could make you more unhappy or could make you the happiest you've ever been!
You've just got to bite the bullet. He sounds like a nice guy, so just tell the truth: tell him you feel you've both grown apart and need to move on. As heartbreaking as it will be for both of you, the change is what you need.
Good luck and personal mail me and let me know how you go on!
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (16 September 2006):
 You just have to leave now and be thankful you didn't marry him as a divorce can be messy. Being single is ok - it is a stronger, better option than dragging along with someone just for the sake of it. It is not being cruel to him as he can go off and find someone who isn't bored by him, and you can find someone who excites you. Just because you two are incompatible doesn't mean there cannot be a happy ending in the future for you both - just with different people. Lots of people stay with incompatible people out of fear of being alone - but sticking around people who irritate you will just drain your energy and stop you from focusing on the real issues. By that I mean you have to have some space on your own to figure out what you want from life, relationships etc - it clearly isn't this guy but if you try to work out roughly what you do want then you won't fall into the same relationship traps in the future.
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