A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i really need some advice.i have fallen in love with my friends girlfriend.They have been together 6 years. Ive liked her for a while now, and last week i was out drinking and i saw her out and we had both lost our friends so me and my friend hanged round with her and her friend. after talking for ages she told me how much she liked me and that she felt really guilty. i told her she shouldnt feel guilty because loads of people probably find their bfs friends good looking or whatever, but then she told me she loves me and has for ages. we were both really drunk and just spoke about our feelings for eachother very openly to each other. our group went for food after and we were holding hands under the table.i woke up the next morning feeling sick at what happened, we hadnt kissed or anything like that but just touching her hand and having these feelings made me feel so guilty! neither of us are the type to cheat or hurt anyone, which makes it so much worse for some reason.we all went out as a group on the weekend and i spoke to her saying we just gotta live with knowing we like each other but theres nothing we can do, and even if she broke up with my friend i couldnt possibly go out with her then either. i said we could meet up t talk but she sed she doesnt want2 cos she knows il say we should just leave it.my friend talks to her like crap and always makes her feel like crap in front of all our mates just before going out, he doesnt even know hes doing it, even though she tells him. everyone always goes on about how badly he talks to her. but having sed that he is a nice bloke and is my friend so i could never do the dirty on him.shes gonna phone me later to have a chatt to sort it out. any ideas what I should say to her. this week isnt the first time wev said we like each other but other times its been more playful but still meaning it but we just left it there to not hurt any one. this time its really come to a head and something has gotta be done because its getting to us both. I dont think either of us could handle not being with eachother, and keep seeing eachother all the time cos we'r in the same group of friends. but at the same time we cant really ever be with eachother unless we hurt my friend and be hated by our group of friends. Please give me some advice, and please do not give me a lecture about being a bad friend cos u couldnt make me feel more guilty than I already do. thanks.
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female
reader, trshly  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 Think about it this way,
if she leaves him it is not so unlikely she can do the very same thing to you.
How upset would you be if after several years with her she wanted to bump over to your next best friend?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): if you this good person you claim to be, then plse do not go down this road. you will mess up your friendship for good and your friends will see you as untrustworthy. maybe for a while just steer clear from this circle of friends. your best friends gf also needs to realise how wrong she is. man, why do you want your best friends sloppy seconds. imagine he is having sex with her, and you want to as well. come on, have some standards. for yourself. by continuously talking about your attraction and love for one another, what good id this.
if you decide to get with this girl, plse know that no one will trsut you again. you will be seen as the one to stab a friend in the back. if this girl is bored and tired of her bf then SHE MUST END IT. this nonsence of the bf taking crap to her and she letting him- well its her problem if she allows him to disrespect her. there is a saying (hard saying but true nevertheless) - you deserve what you tolerate. hard but powerful.
plse choose your fights, is this one worth fighting over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): W0rk out if you value your friend more than her
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 June 2009):
Well if he treats her like crap then go for it!
Tell her to dump him and then get with you!
If he really cared about her then he's treat her better so she needs to dump him.
Then you can give it a bit of time, talk to him and tell him you are going to ask her out.
Then go out with her and live happily ever after.
Ask her why she is still with him and tell her that it could work out if she takes a chance.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): while i think u should seriously think about this
do u really like her or love her
if u like her then its just an infactuation and u might get over it soon but it if ur friend gets to know he would be devasted to know u just made out with his gf and now claiming its over!
but if u love her then there is a future and i am sure your friend is smart enough to figure what to do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): If neither of you are the type to hurt anyone, dont do it! trust me, the guilt you feel is awful. makes everything the worst thing ever.
So although you are tempted, afterwards you will regret it. I hope I have made the mistake for both of us.
You arent a bad friend, everyone has desires, but think about it from your friends point of view. You are his friend - make sure you stand by him. even though it may be difficult.
You say you cant stand not being with her, but realise that you cant. I know its hard, but accepting this will be much easier than the guilt experienced afterwards. Find someone else - itll be much better in the long run, trust me!
If your friend makes her feel that bad, she needs to turn around and end it with him first, because you say hes a nice bloke so you dont want to make him feel like crap do you?
please just dont do it! you may wish you had, but guilt is a worse feeling that a what if!
Keep strong dude
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