A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24, my girlfriend's 23.On a night out last Thursday we had a few drinks, some chips and generally had fun. She also ran into her ex, Joe(not his real name), who is a friend of hers.I got talking to him and was amazed at how much we had in common - apart from friends that is, he'd moved away after he finished college, ended up in the Midlands, but returned here for work. We're going out for a few drinks and I'm introducing him to my mates; and I'm not in the slightest jealous my ex went out with him.He told me "they were great as friends, but as a couple they didn't gel" and that she pressured him to go out with her.My girlfriend's furious that I want to socialise with him, how can I stop her being so jealous of it?I don't complain about the fact she has male friends, so why is she being like this?It's worrying meAndy
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 There might be "bad blood" between them. This is not like a regular male friend for her.
It is great that you are do not have jealous feelings, but it is a "conflict of interests" when you talk about your gf/his ex gf.
If the gf is a real keeper and you have other male friends...do not get too attached to this guy. Keep it casual otherwise you will end up alienating your gf.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): Something tells me that you are not in love with your girlfriend. If you were, you would be jealous, at least a little bit. You seem excited about making a new friend and not concerned at all about your girlfriend's feelings. Maybe you subconsciously know that your relationship with this girl won't work out because she is not the one, on the other hand, friends are usually for life and you said you and this guy have a lot in common. So maybe this is a good thing. Girlfriends come and go, but friends stay.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): There may be things that may embarrass her and fear your about to play with the thought of experimenting a threesome.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): If she doesn't have feelings for him anymore she really shouldn't care at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): She's lucky to have a boyfriend who doesn't reflexively see an ex as a threat. Then again, it's very awkward to navigate social situations with an ex and your current boyfriend at the same time. I've tried it and one time, I literally made up an excuse so I could didn't have to spend time with them together.
I don't think it's jealousy so much as the discomfort and ambiguity of how to hold herself in front of soemone she knows intimately while at the same time being observed by someone who may have very well rejected her. The ex has already discussed his relationship with her with you. It's seems he's been diplomatic and respectful, but this kind of interaction between you two is probably exactly the sort of scenario she wants to avoid. Perhaps she's a private person and she doesn't want to be discussed and compared as an experience between men.
I wouldn't say you can't be friends with her ex and I think she'd be out of line to tell you couldn't. But, I would respect her feelings and have a relationship with him where she doesn't feel like a subject of comparison or a third wheel. Meet up with him, just don't invite her along. If you tell her how you feel about her once in a while and respect her privacy, I think she'll come around.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (11 August 2011):
This is different from her having male friends.
She may want to have this guy out of her life and having you be friends with her just puts him right back in her face. Its great that you are not jealous of their past relationship and all that, but its entirely different for her.
Sometimes you just have to realize that your significant other is uncomfortable with something, no matter what it is, and respect that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2011): they broke up for a reason, and you should respect her decision to not keep him close.
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