A
male
age
51-59,
*a va bien
writes:Ok please do not judge me but 5 years ago i met an Irish woman who i loved from the day i met her . I feel that i had such a connection with this woman and it killed me when she told me her age i at least expected only 10 years of an age difference I never expressed my feelings too her as i knew the age difference was massive between us . There is 20 years between us im in my 40's and shes in her 20's. ,i realise i was falling for her because when she spoke to me my heart pounded so fast that i couldn't speak , and i love her happy personality she loves to laugh.I feel in love with her suddenly . We met online and wrote to each-other day upon day (it wasn't a dating site )we then met and she moved to my country afterwards (im in europe) as she found on her trip that she fell in love with the country we are as good as best friends i meet her daily for coffee or we go to small things like concerts at times . One night when we went to a pub i kissed her which made things awkward but later pretended i was drunk to not ruin things and when i said it to her the next day she just speeze my cheek and laughed another night at a concert we were having a personal deep conversation things got too close and she told me she was crazy about me then she smiled and that's when my heart crushed .However before that When i began to think of the age difference and how she may think im too then about a year and a half ago i met another woman . When i met the woman she was pleasant and i liked her but i love the other woman i know i am ridiculous. My girlfriend is very jealous of my friend even at times she tells me to not see her but i understand why . My girlfriend is 1 year younger i know shes the perfect age but i can't get this other woman out of my head . When i have sex with my girlfriend i imagine its the other woman im having it with when i meet her my heart pounds . The only reason im with the other woman is because i don't want to be mean and hurtful because im not like that . What do i do because i can't break up with my girlfriend because she may know why but i don't see a future with her . I Really Need advice ?? and my mine is so full of what ifs . I know im really bad to be thinking this way i really don't know how i fell so in love . PLEASE HELP !!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): I don't see why you should be using age as your reason for "excuse". You are betraying this women, NOT CHEATING on her. Betraying her.
I'm sure you tell your girlfriend that her doubts of you and your friend are ridiculous, or not true. You need to stop this, It will hurt her already when you explain the truth or if she catches you (Which I promise you It'll be 10x worse). Then you are having sex with your girlfriend but thinking of the other women... Yeah... That will seriously damage her. (Don't tell her that) but, I don't know if that's good for any relationship, I know it would just destroy me if my husband did that.
Honestly, You should do the right thing. Break up with your girlfriend. Give it time before you jump into a relationship with your friend however. Not just on "Ex gf" terms but your own. Be sure this is what you want, No offense but a huge majority of young women are only with guys for their money(SugarDaddy)*If that's what you offer then fine*
BUT if that is not the case, You should still wait. Count over things. She might want to be with you now... yet later on she might want to see other people. etc etc. Then she could honestly be happy with you. Life is a gamble, It's up to you on how to play what has been dealt. Those that cheat in the game don't end up to well.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 April 2012):
 Sorry I think you should have gone for the younger woman if she was open to having you.
to discount someone JUST because of their age is wrong...
if you think about this 20 something and cant' be true and faithful in your own brain with the woman you are with because she is age appropriate then you owe EVERYONE the favor of your honesty.
FWIW my fiance is 38 and I am 52
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 April 2012):
 Ca va bien,
I am 31 and my boyfriend is 44. In his dating profile he wanted women 30-40 and he rejected a 26 year old. So I barely made it on the younger side of his preference. He likes younger women because of the youthful qualities, implying that a woman in her 40's is likely to lose that quality. I can fully understand that. Age can be just a number.
I do believe that you got with your girlfriend not because you love her, but because you wanted to get over the other girl. You felt bad that the Irish girl loved you the same way and to make a point you dated a woman close to your age. Maybe it's a coincidence but I don't think you would have dated your current girlfriend out of the blue if it weren't for discouraging the Irish girl.
I think it's possible to look for a woman close to your age who still retains that youthfulness. You are infatuated and could only see good things and idealized her. One of the mistakes we make in your choices in mates is that we think there is only one person who would work for us, and that if we couldn't get that person, timing is not right, then we had to settle for the next person who comes along. That's not true at all. You just have to meet more people. You have to break up with your current girlfriend and make a mental list of what kind of person you want in your life, and not just flock to the fire like a moth with no direction. Equally important is you create a list of what you can provide in that relationship.
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