A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, so kind of a long question here. So a while ago I ended up telling one of my friends that I liked her as more than a friend and that I had very strong feelings for her. Anyway she was super cool about it but said that she only saw me as a friend. So in the time between when i told her and now, we have still hungout, during which time I tried to keep things as normal as possible even though everytime we hung out all those feelings came rushing back and I would fall for her all over again. Anyway, recently I invited her and a few of our mutual friends for a get together at my place and she completely took me by surprise when she asked if she could bring her boyfriend. At first I said yes but backed out because I didn't think I could handle seeing her with someone else and she recently updated her FB relationship status and while it hurt for a bit it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would (though it still did quite a bit). So anyway, recently it has crossed my mind to potentially end the friendship but I have a very serious conflict. Sometimes whenever I think about her with her boyfriend i get sad a bit jealous but there are some days I can think about it and it really doesn't really bother me but I always know there will be a time when I will think about it and get sad and jealous and will consider ending the friendship but I'm just so afraid of doing that and ending up finding someone special and thinking "Oh my god I just made the biggest mistake of my life and lost an amazing friend". Please help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2013): Dude, I know plenty of guys with similar problems or that have had similar. The best thing to do is be as nice as you can to him and leave things be with you and this girl as just friends, it will develop the friendship and you'll get closer. The closer you get with her as friends, the more likely she'll want you eventually. She may not realize it until too late, but it's best to let fate handle this, she might really care about you, but she doesn't trust herself not to mess things up.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (29 August 2013):
 It's such a shame for you that your friend doesn't see you in the same way.All the while you hang out together, though, I can't see this situation improving for you (unless you meet someone else) but I don't see why you have to cut her out of your life altogether.Why don't you take some time out to apply some distance between you, explaining to her why you need to do this.This may give you some time to accept that there won't be a romantic relationship between you and therefore an opportunity to meet someone new.Torturing yourself with images of her with her boyfriend or trying to create situations when you can be together is only giving yourself false hope and causing you pain.Create instead a little distance and fill your time with more productive pastimes, get out and meet new people.Things will get better given time. AB x
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