A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think my boyfriend is going to say "I love you" really soon but I am not really ready for something like this. I don't know if I am going to be able to say it back because these things are really hard for me to do. I like him alot but I am not to sure about love yet. Is there anyways I can get around this or is there anything I can say as to not hurt him to much if I don't say it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007): I'm a man. If he says he loves you and you don't say it back, most likely you'll be doomed. It won't matter why you won't say it; only NOT saying it will. He may stick with you for some time, but the relationship will be in trouble even if he won't say so.
Now, I would say two things to you: Why can't you tell him that you love him? In my experience, a woman in love never finds it hard to say "I love you". Maybe you are not really into this guy?
I'm not suggesting you say "I love you" no matter what. You need to be honest, especially to yourself. But don't forget him.
A
female
reader, mcbirdie  +, writes (6 June 2007):
 I always err on the side of caution when it comes to declarations of love. When you say "I love you" in a relationship, it means more than just the feelings...people read into as well "I'm thinking longer term with you", "I don't want to date anyone else", and the like. That is a big committment. So, until you are ready to say that whole-heartedly, I would avoid it.
Everything stina said is spot on, but I would also add that you can sort of 'set the stage' for him, by pre-emptively telling him how you feel. Telling him now "I really care for you" or "I am so enjoying spending time with you" lets him know where you are, so he can decide if he wants to take it to the next level right now or not.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (6 June 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,I would tell him that you care very much for him, and that possibly in the future you may feel more for him (if you think that's true!). I would also probably give him a giant hug and kiss, that way he won't think he's being "as" rejected.I think as long as you're honest with him and aren't a complete jerk about it, then things will be fine. (It's obvious that you care a lot about him, so I don't think this will be a problem!) But regardless of what you say or do, he most likely is not telling you to hear you say it back. He's probably telling you because he really feels that way and just wants to let you know how much he cares about you. Sure, he will probably be a bit disappointed - that's to be expected. But I'm sure he'd rather feel like that than to hear a hollow "I love you, too." Don't you think?Take care.
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