A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,i wonder if anyone can help? I have been seeing a guy for 4 mths. We started out casual as i had recently split up from a long term relationship{10yrs}. He is 40 and told me he has never been in love. He has been married and thought he was in love but realised he wasn't and divorced{5yrs}. As i had just come out of a long term thing i felt quite safe to go on dates with this guy and it wouldn't get serious. At first we would see each other 1 maybe 2 times a week and i would stay over. I have a daughter who he has met briefly last week and everything went fine. The thing is he seems to want to see me more now. Ringing to see me each evening. I quite like my own space. I work part time, i have my daughter and like my evenings free. I'm beginning to feel he is falling for me, and i do like him lots, but not ready for full blown relationship. Part of me thinks he likes me because i'm not needy or insecure. I don't know how to say how i feel without hurting him. Or am i just scared of commitment after being in a previous relationship for so long?
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (6 January 2009):
 You are welcome hon. I am glad it helped. Take your time and enjoy your friendship. Let your heart lead you and your concience be your guide. It seems he may be a keeper. *-) but only time and events will truely tell.
Walk softly and let your stength thru GOD prevail!
God bless,
Blue_Angel\
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Blue Angel,thanks for your good advice.We went to lunch today and i was able to talk about how i was feeling.He was understanding and thoughtful.He is quite happy to slow it down for a while,but stressed that he does like me alot,and doesn't want to lose me.He says he feels very compatable sexually and emotionally with me.He knows what i went through with my previous relatioship and is happy to wait.So thanks again for you good advice
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (5 January 2009):
You probably just aren't quite ready for another long term relationship. Getting burned or being left with old wounds will certainly make one a bit scared of moving on to someone else. Now that you have gotten a taste of the single life again you are ready to spread your wings and are in no hurry to make another strong committment.
Take your time in getting to know this new guy. Get your thoughts together and make sure that you are putting everything into prospective. He has been married so he knows what that is all about. You have only had the long term relationship and in so many cases it just isn't the same as being married. That piece of paper seems to change everything to most people.
You are going to have time to decide on what you want from this friendship you are building with the new guy. He may be compelled to call and date you because after 5 years of single life he perhaps is feeling a bit ready to let go and try again. You on the other hand are in no extreme hurry because you have just spent 10 years in a relationship that wasn't working and now being single you want to keep your freedom for a bit. This is your way of guarding yourself and your heart from anymore hurt. You may not be completely over the last relationship either.
The big problem is going to be the fact that you have been seeing him for 4 months and pretty steady so he is probably thinking that you like him alot. He is inclined to believe that you are wanting to take things further. I suggest that you slow down the pace. Since you aren't sure how you really feel about all of this it would be harsh to make any rushed decisions on telling him that you don't want to continue. Try to find things to do that will exclude him but carefully so he won't feel your confusion. It will give you time to spend time away without letting him go or giving him an idea that you aren't interested. From your post it seems that you aren't sure about that one.
Take things slowly and move at YOUR own pace. If he continues to persue you then it's possible that he really wants to make this relationship a special one. By taking things slow you will have time to get to know him better, have a bit of freedom and figure out just where you want this all to go. If he's a great guy and things seem to be well with the friendship then you can choose what to do as time goes on. I do think it's ok to let him know that you aren't ready to have another serious relationship at this point. That would be an honest phrase, however be selective about not accepting his advances, you might realize that it's really what you want.
Since you are not needy or insecure you are exhibiting your Independence and it's shining like a bright star. It will draw attention to you and if you settle for anything less that what you really want, you will probably wind up with less than you truely deserve. Have FAITH and HOPE BIG for sometimes HOPE is all we have left it seems but we never know where it will take you. Perhaps straight into this man's arms. The choice will be yours most definantly so take your time and choose well.
My best to you and your daughter. May your new lives be BLESSED with all of the riches that GOD had in store for you. May you LOOK AHEAD and NEVER LOOK BACK, reaching for what your heart Desires. GRASP all things that bring you JOY and PRAY for the FUTURE you MOST RICHLY DESERVE.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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