A
female
age
36-40,
*miley999
writes:I met a guy through mutual friends a month ago. The first time we met, I felt an instant attraction towards him and I felt that he was attracted to me too.A week later, I found out through a mutual friend that he is in a relationship with another girl and that they are planning to get married. The word is that she really liked him and wanted to marry him and he agreed as he has been heart broken before and he agreed to marry her since he realized she likes him a lot. When I heard this, I was let down, but didn't let it bother me since I had met him only a couple times at that point.After that, we have hung out with a group of friends many more times. Over the past few times we went out in a group, I noticed him giving me a lot of attention. He treated me differently than he treated our other friends in the group. He was always very attentive towards me and noticed and commented on the little things I did. He has 'accidentally' touched my hands and put his hand around me a few times. He talks to me very comfortably when we're in a group, but clams up whenever we are alone together. He has not talked about his girlfriend to me or in front of me nor brought her up at all. After seeing this, some of my friends said that they feel he likes me and they want me to start communicating with him as currently we do not text nor talk to each other on the phone. Its only been a month since we know each other. The thing is, I feel uncomfortable texting him knowing he belongs to someone else. But my friends tell me to give it a try and just text him in a friendly way. They say he is not very happy with the other girl and has clearly shown a lot of interest in me. Now all the time he was giving me a lot of attention (when we hung out), I acted as though I liked him only as a friend and pretended to ignore all of the subtle hints he was giving me, though I still am very much interested in him and was aware of all the attention.But if he likes me, why doesn't he try and contact me? Through text or phone call? He has added all our friends on Facebook but he did not add me. He initiates texts and calls to all our mutual friends but he has not initiated any contact with me. I'm assuming he did that because when he showed signs of interest I didn't reciprocate so he felt I wasn't interested? I would really prefer the guy to pursue me. I have pursued/initiated contact with a couple of guys before and it did not end well.I am really confused. I really like him a lot, more than I've liked anyone before. I just don't know what to do. Should I contact him and see where it takes us? Or just let him go without trying.Help?
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (10 February 2015):
Given that he is already in a relationship, he does not have the freedom of just engaging with another person. Any responses from people like this can be instant or months apart.
While you could be right about his attention, you could be wrong as well since you are the one who likes him. Your friends have also been insistent about you pursuing him but they don't anything to lose by telling you such things. It goes without saying, it is easy to be tricked into thinking you like someone "than anyone before" because he is taken.
In terms of engagement, he hasn't done anything other than initial attraction so I don't see anything else of worth from this pursuit. Your friends might be insisting you pursue him since they know you are the type to pursue. There are lots of other guys out there, don't waste your time on one that is already preoccupied.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): I don't think it goes anywhere. Do not listen to your friends. But, if you want to make sure you are not missing a great guy just because you didn't show him your interest, next time look at him with more interest in his eyes and return his accidental touches. Then wait and see if he tries to get a step ahead with you ( phone call, text, facebook, etc) or just enjoys your attention ( the same way he does enjoy his fiance 's and even wants to marry her although he is not in love).
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