A
male
age
36-40,
*rion
writes:I don't know what to do. I like this girl on a level that i have never felt before. She has a boyfriend and she knows i like her. We get along so well and she has told me that i am the only person that brings out the best in her. I once accepted the fact that it will never happen but i work with her so i see her everday. No matter how hard i try i can't get her off my mind, she's on my mind 24/7. I like her so much and love that we are good friends, but i hate the fact that i like her so much. I don't know much about her boyfriend but i know if we started a realtionship it would work. I have tried to play the field but there's no one else i am interested in. Please, i just want this torment to end, i know it's not right to obsess like this, but i just want to know if there is a way to just move along.
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male
reader, GTR-R35 +, writes (20 February 2010):
hey, i have the exact situation. only this isn't at work. let me tell u this. think about the way u feel about her. do u like her for her looks, intellectuality, or for the way she just is as a person? think about it. if u decide its for who she is as a person. then think about her feelings. if u truly care about her then let her decide what she wants and respect her decision. that's what i did. she told me she cared about me but not in that way..... i had to let her go for her and i to be happy. please, if she knows how u feel about her now then your causing her the same pain u feel now.
A
male
reader, iateadonut  +, writes (29 June 2008):
You might google the phrase "libidinal interest", but look for it in respect to the limbic system and stress reduction.
also, try to make an "observer" in your mind. there should be two people in there. one who does things and one who sees you doing them. right now, the guy whose taking care of your mind isn't doing a good job. that guy should only observe, not judge, and by having him around, you'll have a stronger mind. practice observing what you are doing all the time. you'll probably have to learn a few more meditation exercises, too. and don't start on this unless you can make a lifelong commitment to it. seeing one's own ego can be painful and if you don't work through the journey all your life, and it's something that will always haunt you if you don't keep it up.
- that's how you get her off your mind, but it's going to be a while, friend.
also, you'll have to find surrogate women or activities to fill the void there. this will also be pretty challenging. i think if you do this, though; dude, she'll go nuts without you. don't worry about it. drop her like a yo-yo and she'll come spinning back.
if y'all have such a serious libidinal investment in each other, it's better that you get together, but she's got to know that there's strings attached to what you provide for her. you're not going to be her friend while she's got a boyfriend. you're not a bad person because of this - you've got your needs, and she's got needs that you're filling, and in the end, a man's got to take care of his family and no one else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Hi - Im writing from the other angle. I am a woman in a relationship, that knows that a work collegue has feelings for me. I want you not to assume she is uninterested as if I were in different circumstances I would certainly be taking the collegue up on their offer as they also bring out a side to me that rocks my world. What I am trying to say is be open with your feelings to her and get a straight answer as to whether she is willing to chuck the boyfriend and give things a go with you. Unfortunately my situation is complicated by kids and the fact that overall I am in a very happy relationship, It is extreemly flattering - so be sure you are not being strung along. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): *sigh*kno wat u mean probly more then u kno..and looking at your past posts they are pretty much all over this girl..i am going through such a similar situation(not exactly mind you but close)and i havent been able to find much to be honest..if you 2 really arent meant to be and you truly want to forget about her then try and do things that you enjoy to get your mind off of her..it's tough because this one girl has been on my mind for 3 years..and sometimes it feels like it wont go away..some people can get over it but others never seem to..from what i read anyway..please message me if you wanna talk
-michael
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