A
male
age
30-35,
*much4u
writes:There's this girls who studies abroad but comes here each summer. The first summer which she visited was when I got attracted to her really badly. I expected her to be the average kind of girl who is looking for a bf.But rather she wanted to be friends with benefits. She didn't say so directly but after a long summer with her she kept on telling me how yeah she liked me but she didn't want to commit to a relationship because she likes too many guys. What she wanted basically was just someone when she visited for summer to flirt and get dirty with--which was me. I don't have a gf so that was ok.After that summer went by we didn't chat much online even if I tried but she resisted because to her it didn't make sense trying to have have a constant communication since we were not in a relationship and we were just basically 'friends with benefits'. The next summer came along and she visited. This time I had decided to be strong inside and hide my love and true feelings for her and just play along with friends with benefits thing. I even lied and told her I'm in a relationship. So far the play act is working she seems far more comfy with me this year than last year when I came off as needy and desperate.But the real truth is my friends it really hurts my heart that I can't genuinely be with her...cause I really like her and have deep emotions and feelings for her.I know it seems like every guys fantasy to have a friends with benefits situation but men do have emotion and feelings at some point in their life.I would just like your take and advice on the situation.Sorry that my posts is long.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2012): You sound like a really sweet guy.
I think this girl is appealing to you because she doesn't need you or a relationship. Without those constraints, you've been able to get to now each other and you like her a lot.
I also think that a lot of girls who are OK with being FWB secretly hope for more eventually...
You should keep seeing her and your relationship and attachment will slowly grow. It's a scary thing because you feel so vulnerable. But don't push too hard for a commitment or give her an ultimatum because that's scary for her. Allow her to be free and be herself, the person that you love.
In the meantime, as long as you are happy with your own life and don't put too much energy and focus into this thing with her, you'll be fine too. You can still see other people but just be respectful and classy. Keep youself protected and get tested for stds and ask her to do the same. If it's meant to be, it'll happen but enjoy the adventure and the love... You'll probably long for these days again when you're in a boring marriage, year after year with the same person... sounds a lot less exciting.
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